Wow...40 days already gone and I feel amazing.
I had no idea how strong I could become in 40 days. This morning I did part of my yoga practice (approximately 45 minutes...but didn't get to do lower back and abs, that will have to be after work). I felt incredible and so strong. Last night during my practice at the studio I kept pushing myself and felt great. I almost was able to do a headstand.
I had no idea what I was in for when I started this journey, and even if I did, I doubt it would have ended up however I expected it to. This journey is all about getting what you need, when you need it, how you need it. So many challenges popped up during this journey, and each one was gotten through. I learned so much about myself and finally honestly love myself...even with a bit of extra weight.
Some things that I have discovered along the way:
-It is hard to let go of things, but it is possible. When I let go of things I do feel that there is a hole left behind that must be filled...and I will be aware of this and attempt to fill it with positive things.
- Once you step out of the comfort zone, it can feel incredible.
- Coming apart is a part of any process...and sometimes it just feels good to cry and let it all out.
- The rocks are hard to remove, but once you see them and start the process, the heart, body, and soul feel so much lighter.
- It's difficult to be still, but it is necessary to be still.
- It's nice to let go and not plan everything super far in advance...this allows for change and flexibility.
- Finding my drishti is not just for my yoga practice, it is useful in life.
- Many of the teachings of yoga are good for life...and the philosophy of yoga is slowly being incorporated into my life, creating so much calm and peace...I dig it
- The key for survival is to find my breath
- I enjoy practicing on my deck by myself, but I like the energy of others practicing with me
- I can be way too hard on myself, especially when I listen within my meditation
- Life is pretty amazing
Namaste
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sidetracked, but finding my way back - day 38 of 40
I was sidetracked earlier this week regarding my center and my breath, but I am finding my way back to me. It's amazing how when I am slightly off center/balance and do not have my guard up, how easily I stumble.
Over the weekend I had a lovely time, though a bit too much alcohol was consumed. This threw me off with my practice. I took Saturday off as a rest day and finished the previous week on Sunday. On Monday I went for a yearly check up and my doctor said things which I took as I am doing everything wrong. I have since recovered from this, however, it threw me for a loop. It has taken me 4 meditations (2 hours worth) to find my center and breath again since this discussion. I realize now that if I am off balance my guard must go up in order to protect myself.
I look back at earlier posts as well as the journal I am keeping for this journey, and only last week I was stating how centered I am and how happy I am with my body and spirit...on Monday it was though I had forgotten all of that and felt so small yet so large. Small in emotion and as a voice, large in terms of size. I realize again that I am me, I love myself, and I am worth more than I give myself credit for. Others love me, but I need to love myself and remember that I love myself.
This journey has had me open up to the fact that I am worth so much more than I thought. I do need to remind myself of the laws of transformation, especially to "relax with what is" and to "be true to yourself". When I do that, the light returns to my eyes, my heart, and I feel at peace and centered.
I have 3 more yoga practices to complete and 5 more meditations until this journey is complete...though I do hope and plan to continue on, as this journey was just the beginning.
Over the weekend I had a lovely time, though a bit too much alcohol was consumed. This threw me off with my practice. I took Saturday off as a rest day and finished the previous week on Sunday. On Monday I went for a yearly check up and my doctor said things which I took as I am doing everything wrong. I have since recovered from this, however, it threw me for a loop. It has taken me 4 meditations (2 hours worth) to find my center and breath again since this discussion. I realize now that if I am off balance my guard must go up in order to protect myself.
I look back at earlier posts as well as the journal I am keeping for this journey, and only last week I was stating how centered I am and how happy I am with my body and spirit...on Monday it was though I had forgotten all of that and felt so small yet so large. Small in emotion and as a voice, large in terms of size. I realize again that I am me, I love myself, and I am worth more than I give myself credit for. Others love me, but I need to love myself and remember that I love myself.
This journey has had me open up to the fact that I am worth so much more than I thought. I do need to remind myself of the laws of transformation, especially to "relax with what is" and to "be true to yourself". When I do that, the light returns to my eyes, my heart, and I feel at peace and centered.
I have 3 more yoga practices to complete and 5 more meditations until this journey is complete...though I do hope and plan to continue on, as this journey was just the beginning.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Day 32 of 40 days to personal revolution + quinoa
Yesterday was a testing day for me. I had to wait, a lot yesterday. I felt off and not excited about the events...tired as well.
After work (which dragged on yesterday) I went to the chiropractor. I was early, but I needed to be out of there by a specific time. I waited a bit (due to my being early). I was "slow moving" according to the doctor, and the massage therapist noticed that my muscles were very tight, as though I were very stressed out (which I did not think that I was). I was then off to the hair salon. I did arrive 20 minutes early to my appointment, but my appointment started about 40 minutes late...thus I waited for an hour. I tried to be in the moment, I tried not to worry...but then the treatment to my hair ended up taking longer than expected so I did not leave until 3.5 hours after I arrived (2.5 hours worth of stuff done to my hair). I felt that between the chiro and hair, that I meditated enough for the day.
I was not upset, but I was getting irritated because I was hungry. I focused on that hunger and realized it was my own doing that I was hungry, but I was proud of myself for not giving in and getting sweets...I did give in and had cheese & crackers, jerky, and a grilled cheese for dinner at 9:30 last night...but it was that or nothing, and I knew I was going running this morning so I opted for that.
Once home, I relaxed...and I was happy that I had everything done yesterday...but being in the moment and not getting upset or frustrated was difficult...I was proud that I was only irritable towards the end of the appointment and I did not take it out on anyone...I let it go :)
This morning was a wonderful morning. I got out of bed at 5:45am and the puppy and I were out the door. A warm up walk followed by a run. It was 60+ degrees and very humid (so my hair has not stayed as lovely as it was last night, but that's ok). We ran about 2.5 miles with about 3 stops in there to walk because the puppy was trailing behind. Right after 2.5 miles, the puppy stopped and sat down in the middle of the sidewalk...refusing to move. I tried everything I could think of, and finally, I lifted up his bottom and he got up and walked 2 more blocks...and then sat down again. Now he had an audience, so he got up a bit quicker, and then started playing tug-of-war with his leash, and pulled me about a block...only 1 block left and he could have his breakfast...so that last block was just fine. It ended up being about 30 minutes of running and 30 minutes of walking overall, so a lovely morning.
Yoga will be this evening, 75 minutes of vinyasa at the studio. I'm looking forward to this class very much tonight. Tomorrow will be a solo practice at home followed by a lovely french cooking class...I'm looking forward to being in the moment at that :)
In terms of being grounded, I'm trying...I continue to focus on the present, and being here, and accepting things as they are...but man that's tough sometimes!
Finally, breakfast this morning...quinoa
I cooked up 1 cup of quinoa (1 cup quinoa, 2 cups water, bring to boil, simmer until water is gone)
I then took about 1/4 of what I made and had that for breakfast with 1/2 of a fresh mango and a tiny bit of agave nectar.
Holy yummy! I plan to have this again tomorrow and on Saturday with apples instead. I've read that this is a great breakfast, and I've seen others enjoying it, but now I have...and I share it with you.
Delicious :)
8 days remaining
After work (which dragged on yesterday) I went to the chiropractor. I was early, but I needed to be out of there by a specific time. I waited a bit (due to my being early). I was "slow moving" according to the doctor, and the massage therapist noticed that my muscles were very tight, as though I were very stressed out (which I did not think that I was). I was then off to the hair salon. I did arrive 20 minutes early to my appointment, but my appointment started about 40 minutes late...thus I waited for an hour. I tried to be in the moment, I tried not to worry...but then the treatment to my hair ended up taking longer than expected so I did not leave until 3.5 hours after I arrived (2.5 hours worth of stuff done to my hair). I felt that between the chiro and hair, that I meditated enough for the day.
I was not upset, but I was getting irritated because I was hungry. I focused on that hunger and realized it was my own doing that I was hungry, but I was proud of myself for not giving in and getting sweets...I did give in and had cheese & crackers, jerky, and a grilled cheese for dinner at 9:30 last night...but it was that or nothing, and I knew I was going running this morning so I opted for that.
Once home, I relaxed...and I was happy that I had everything done yesterday...but being in the moment and not getting upset or frustrated was difficult...I was proud that I was only irritable towards the end of the appointment and I did not take it out on anyone...I let it go :)
This morning was a wonderful morning. I got out of bed at 5:45am and the puppy and I were out the door. A warm up walk followed by a run. It was 60+ degrees and very humid (so my hair has not stayed as lovely as it was last night, but that's ok). We ran about 2.5 miles with about 3 stops in there to walk because the puppy was trailing behind. Right after 2.5 miles, the puppy stopped and sat down in the middle of the sidewalk...refusing to move. I tried everything I could think of, and finally, I lifted up his bottom and he got up and walked 2 more blocks...and then sat down again. Now he had an audience, so he got up a bit quicker, and then started playing tug-of-war with his leash, and pulled me about a block...only 1 block left and he could have his breakfast...so that last block was just fine. It ended up being about 30 minutes of running and 30 minutes of walking overall, so a lovely morning.
Yoga will be this evening, 75 minutes of vinyasa at the studio. I'm looking forward to this class very much tonight. Tomorrow will be a solo practice at home followed by a lovely french cooking class...I'm looking forward to being in the moment at that :)
In terms of being grounded, I'm trying...I continue to focus on the present, and being here, and accepting things as they are...but man that's tough sometimes!
Finally, breakfast this morning...quinoa
I cooked up 1 cup of quinoa (1 cup quinoa, 2 cups water, bring to boil, simmer until water is gone)
I then took about 1/4 of what I made and had that for breakfast with 1/2 of a fresh mango and a tiny bit of agave nectar.
Holy yummy! I plan to have this again tomorrow and on Saturday with apples instead. I've read that this is a great breakfast, and I've seen others enjoying it, but now I have...and I share it with you.
Delicious :)
8 days remaining
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Day 31 of 40, counting down
I continue to reach new levels that I did not know existed within myself. This morning during my practice, I released further into half pidgin than I ever have before. I let go! That is so hard to do in half pidgin, and in life. It appears to be easier for me to release and let go of things, at least recently, I hope that the trend continues.
I went to TruHarmony for a 6:30am hot vinyasa class this morning...and my butt was kicked. I don't know what it was about class this morning, but man I was challenged. I kept reminding myself to step out of my comfort zone, but sometimes I had to just be still and not move forward with the flow...I listened to my body. I'm so happy that I went this morning, and over the summer I'll be working at 9 instead of 8 so I should be able to attend this class more frequently.
I did not have a successful meditation this morning though, mostly because I got up, walked the dog, went to yoga, and that took a bit more time than I had originally thought...so I would say 10-15 minutes of meditation at the studio this morning. Last night, however, I struggled with my 25 minutes. I am curious to see what happens this evening as I feel there is something that is about to be released within me, and this is why the meditation becomes a struggle after 15-20 minutes. I'm interested to open up and allow myself to release whatever I am holding onto.
The diet...fine still...not nearly as intense as the fruit fast. I've been eating more fish this week and tonight making a tofu stir fry so lots of yummy options. I am debating about treating myself with something from Starbucks afterwork...but that would seem not to be a positive thing to do to my body...no matter how yummy it might taste.
I went to TruHarmony for a 6:30am hot vinyasa class this morning...and my butt was kicked. I don't know what it was about class this morning, but man I was challenged. I kept reminding myself to step out of my comfort zone, but sometimes I had to just be still and not move forward with the flow...I listened to my body. I'm so happy that I went this morning, and over the summer I'll be working at 9 instead of 8 so I should be able to attend this class more frequently.
I did not have a successful meditation this morning though, mostly because I got up, walked the dog, went to yoga, and that took a bit more time than I had originally thought...so I would say 10-15 minutes of meditation at the studio this morning. Last night, however, I struggled with my 25 minutes. I am curious to see what happens this evening as I feel there is something that is about to be released within me, and this is why the meditation becomes a struggle after 15-20 minutes. I'm interested to open up and allow myself to release whatever I am holding onto.
The diet...fine still...not nearly as intense as the fruit fast. I've been eating more fish this week and tonight making a tofu stir fry so lots of yummy options. I am debating about treating myself with something from Starbucks afterwork...but that would seem not to be a positive thing to do to my body...no matter how yummy it might taste.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Day 30 of 40
I have recently had some interesting realizations during my reflections and meditations. The following two are ones that I want to highlight.
When you let go of something that you've been holding onto (typically negative) I feel that there is a whole left behind, a part of you becomes "missing". It can feel lonely, scarey, strange. I became quite emotional when I let go of parts of my negativity that I had been holding onto. I couldn't quite describe it or understand it, but it was almost painful, and I had some fear. Yesterday I realized that I had mostly let go, but needed to let go completely...and there was an empty space that needed to be filled...I chose to fill that with happy memories, love, energy, happy thoughts. I felt so full and happy and bright when I left my yoga practice yesterday. So when you let go of something, acknowledge the whole that it leaves behind, and fill it with positivity.
Planning...you cannot plan everything for if you do, you have no time left to live in the moment or for spontaneity. Life goes by so quickly that if you are always planning, you will miss something. Allow the self to experience the self. Enjoy each moment, be present, and be free.
There are going to be things you must plan in advance (concerts, plane tickets, big vacations, etc) but many things can just be as they are. I am working more and more towards being in the moment, experiencing everything as it comes, and not worrying about plans...for if they do not happen, or do not go as planned, I end up getting hurt or emotional...rather than enjoying what the moment brings.
My yoga practice is going well...I feel very strong and I look forward to the last 10 days of this experience. I plan to continue my practice, but potentially in a slightly different way.
Meditation this morning went much better than yesterday morning...though I do need to stay more present, it's something to work towards.
When you let go of something that you've been holding onto (typically negative) I feel that there is a whole left behind, a part of you becomes "missing". It can feel lonely, scarey, strange. I became quite emotional when I let go of parts of my negativity that I had been holding onto. I couldn't quite describe it or understand it, but it was almost painful, and I had some fear. Yesterday I realized that I had mostly let go, but needed to let go completely...and there was an empty space that needed to be filled...I chose to fill that with happy memories, love, energy, happy thoughts. I felt so full and happy and bright when I left my yoga practice yesterday. So when you let go of something, acknowledge the whole that it leaves behind, and fill it with positivity.
Planning...you cannot plan everything for if you do, you have no time left to live in the moment or for spontaneity. Life goes by so quickly that if you are always planning, you will miss something. Allow the self to experience the self. Enjoy each moment, be present, and be free.
There are going to be things you must plan in advance (concerts, plane tickets, big vacations, etc) but many things can just be as they are. I am working more and more towards being in the moment, experiencing everything as it comes, and not worrying about plans...for if they do not happen, or do not go as planned, I end up getting hurt or emotional...rather than enjoying what the moment brings.
My yoga practice is going well...I feel very strong and I look forward to the last 10 days of this experience. I plan to continue my practice, but potentially in a slightly different way.
Meditation this morning went much better than yesterday morning...though I do need to stay more present, it's something to work towards.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Day 29 of 40 where I'm at
Well, I've been an emotional journey and I still have 11 days to go. I've lost about 7 pounds, not to mention the inches of toning that have happened. So physically I'm pretty excited about how I'm looking. Emotionally I let go of a ton yesterday. We ended up building a fire in our outdoor fire pit, and I wrote down a number of things that had been stuck within me for years due to one individual. I then tore up those items and threw them, one by one, into the fire. After which the smoke washed over us which I felt refreshing. Later in the evening the pain came out of what I had done...a last attempt at the past taking over me...and I let it go.
Of course, letting go of trauma and difficult things can leave you with an emotional hangover the next time...which is where I am at right now. I want to be at home, allowing myself to mourn the part of myself that I let go...but that's the thing, what I let go of was a part of me that was holding me back, so why mourn it? Celebrate and move forward. I hope to do that later today...after work and after my yoga practice. I was supposed to go support a friend who is on her own emotional journey, but I let her know I was not in the right place mentally to be supportive this evening (there will be others there) but I offered to be supportive tomorrow and the rest of the week. I need to take care of myself...and I'm taking steps towards that.
In regards to my practice, I FINALLY really took yesterday as a rest day (physically) and enjoyed the sunshine. Yes, I went for walks with the puppy, but that was it for exercise. I laid out in the sun, crocheted a bit, spent time with my friend, enjoyed some wine, and just relaxed the majority of the day away (aside from the big emotionally letting go).
The diet...I do really well following it until Saturday night...and on Sunday it's a free for all. I did have some alcohol and coffee on Sunday which I'm guessing I should not have done that soon after the fast, but I did. This week the focus is still on whole foods, but incorporating minerals. I have tofu to make stir fry with, tonight will be fish and a salad...and just need to focus on good solid whole foods with lots of vitamins and minerals. Of course, on Friday evening I won't be following that rule 100% since we have an outing at Cook au Vin which has been in the works for months. More on that to come later in the week.
I have found that on warm days, my comfort food and drink are frozen yogurt and iced coffee. This is a big improvement from the past...and though I am going to focus on the reduction of coffee, I love coffee, and while it takes minerals away, I'm going to allow myself that indulgence.
I am a strong person and I am becoming more enlightened each day thanks to this journey.
Of course, letting go of trauma and difficult things can leave you with an emotional hangover the next time...which is where I am at right now. I want to be at home, allowing myself to mourn the part of myself that I let go...but that's the thing, what I let go of was a part of me that was holding me back, so why mourn it? Celebrate and move forward. I hope to do that later today...after work and after my yoga practice. I was supposed to go support a friend who is on her own emotional journey, but I let her know I was not in the right place mentally to be supportive this evening (there will be others there) but I offered to be supportive tomorrow and the rest of the week. I need to take care of myself...and I'm taking steps towards that.
In regards to my practice, I FINALLY really took yesterday as a rest day (physically) and enjoyed the sunshine. Yes, I went for walks with the puppy, but that was it for exercise. I laid out in the sun, crocheted a bit, spent time with my friend, enjoyed some wine, and just relaxed the majority of the day away (aside from the big emotionally letting go).
The diet...I do really well following it until Saturday night...and on Sunday it's a free for all. I did have some alcohol and coffee on Sunday which I'm guessing I should not have done that soon after the fast, but I did. This week the focus is still on whole foods, but incorporating minerals. I have tofu to make stir fry with, tonight will be fish and a salad...and just need to focus on good solid whole foods with lots of vitamins and minerals. Of course, on Friday evening I won't be following that rule 100% since we have an outing at Cook au Vin which has been in the works for months. More on that to come later in the week.
I have found that on warm days, my comfort food and drink are frozen yogurt and iced coffee. This is a big improvement from the past...and though I am going to focus on the reduction of coffee, I love coffee, and while it takes minerals away, I'm going to allow myself that indulgence.
I am a strong person and I am becoming more enlightened each day thanks to this journey.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Day 26 of 40
Today I am pretty much posting directly from my personal journal...removing a few names and lines here and there.
I answered the questions today (note that each week of the 40 days there are a number of questions to answer. This week the questions were about what do you need to let go of). I need to let go of my ex 3 ex's ago. He’s been on my mind a lot. With the ex so much was about manipulation and having me serve him.
Some side information. There was a lot of negativity that happened with this ex and I never really worked through it. I'm realizing now that I had hidden so many memories deep down, and I need to work through them and let them go. This was over 8 years ago, and I've become a completely different person now than who I was then...and I'm proud of myself for that. But I need to identify, heal, and move forward.
On a totally different side of the spectrum, I need to run more for fun like I did this morning with Charlie (my puppy). I felt great getting out there before 6. I knew I only had a certain amount of time to run, so we didn’t force a distance...ended up at about 2.7 but some of that was walking, so I ran 2.5. I loved it this morning and my energy today has been very high. I’m looking forward to riding my bike to yoga tonight to a restorative yoga class...and then tomorrow either bootcamp or practice at home and walk bark in the park. I love to exercise, and I sometimes need to remind myself of that. I feel so much better when I do, but I think I turn it into a job more than I should. It’s about having fun and doing something good for the body, mind and spirit. Just like going to Wanderlust (I got those tickets yesterday). My friend and I will spend some time on Long Island...and then we’ll drive to Vermont and see (and possibly stay with my bestie Carebear) then go to Stratton and experience an amazing thing...yoga, meditation, hiking, chanting, music, speakers...Wanderlust. My 40 day experience will be over by about 30 days by the time I go, but I hope to continue a daily yoga practice, or as close to daily as I can get.
I’m so enjoying this experience, and I’m so thankful for the insight I am getting. I also call myself out on things...like when I mutter under my breath in the car when someone does something stupid...I laugh and tell myself “what happened to being non-reactive” and then I laugh again. I am so much more aware and in tune with myself, it’s just a wonderful feeling. I hope to continue on this journey after the 40 days and find new areas to open up.
I answered the questions today (note that each week of the 40 days there are a number of questions to answer. This week the questions were about what do you need to let go of). I need to let go of my ex 3 ex's ago. He’s been on my mind a lot. With the ex so much was about manipulation and having me serve him.
Some side information. There was a lot of negativity that happened with this ex and I never really worked through it. I'm realizing now that I had hidden so many memories deep down, and I need to work through them and let them go. This was over 8 years ago, and I've become a completely different person now than who I was then...and I'm proud of myself for that. But I need to identify, heal, and move forward.
On a totally different side of the spectrum, I need to run more for fun like I did this morning with Charlie (my puppy). I felt great getting out there before 6. I knew I only had a certain amount of time to run, so we didn’t force a distance...ended up at about 2.7 but some of that was walking, so I ran 2.5. I loved it this morning and my energy today has been very high. I’m looking forward to riding my bike to yoga tonight to a restorative yoga class...and then tomorrow either bootcamp or practice at home and walk bark in the park. I love to exercise, and I sometimes need to remind myself of that. I feel so much better when I do, but I think I turn it into a job more than I should. It’s about having fun and doing something good for the body, mind and spirit. Just like going to Wanderlust (I got those tickets yesterday). My friend and I will spend some time on Long Island...and then we’ll drive to Vermont and see (and possibly stay with my bestie Carebear) then go to Stratton and experience an amazing thing...yoga, meditation, hiking, chanting, music, speakers...Wanderlust. My 40 day experience will be over by about 30 days by the time I go, but I hope to continue a daily yoga practice, or as close to daily as I can get.
I’m so enjoying this experience, and I’m so thankful for the insight I am getting. I also call myself out on things...like when I mutter under my breath in the car when someone does something stupid...I laugh and tell myself “what happened to being non-reactive” and then I laugh again. I am so much more aware and in tune with myself, it’s just a wonderful feeling. I hope to continue on this journey after the 40 days and find new areas to open up.
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