Yoga IS a workout

Whoever says that yoga isn't a workout obviously has never gone to a vinyasa class. I am so sore today! I miss this sore feeling. I'm looking forward to going to class again on Friday and I even purchased a few classes yesterday to motivate me to go at least once a week for the next month or two. I am not a fan of going to classes in January (or to the gym in January) with all the "resolution" people...I tend to workout at home for the month.

The short of this is, I'm sore. My arms, my shoulder blades, my shoulders, my obliques...all sore. After work today I plan on going for a run so I'll add legs being sore tomorrow to my list.

In other news...BC side effect updates. I'm emotional. It's difficult to have mood swings in my career since I need to remain level and calm. I did the best I could last night. I find that I get irritable very easily and need to calm myself down. That's another reason I opted to go back to yoga in a studio instead of just at home. I need to remain centered. Physical side effects have not come back in terms of the pain I felt on Thursday...but I'm wondering how much of that was just over-indulgence that I assumed was related to coming off the pill. Regardless, it hasn't come back yet. My face however, that's an entire different story. I have the lovely under the skin bumps...so my face isn't red, it's just bumpy. I'm making sure that I clean it well and I think I'm going to be trying all sorts of new products to see what works...but yes...skin is not very happy at the moment.

Overall though, I'm really positive and happy...so long as I don't get irritated :)

Return to yoga

After a weekend full of wonderful times, food and wine...and luckily a run on Thanksgiving, it was time to detox a bit today. Oh and watching this video helped inspire me too:

So I went to my favorite yoga studio TruHarmony Yoga for some morning flow. Jenny was the instructor and Hillary was working the front desk, and then there was me. I have to admit that was a wonderful class this morning. Jenny was trying to give both Hillary and me what we wanted which was the total opposite of each other. I wanted to ease back into the hot vinyasa class and Hillary wanted a tough vinyasa flow...we settled in the middle.

I feel great and I need to remember how great I feel after a practice in a class. I love practicing yoga and do it on my own frequently, but there's something about doing it in a studio (especially a heated studio) that just pushes me farther.

My goal for the rest of this week (birthday week at that) is to incorporate yoga or meditation into my day all week...the days that I run I will do meditation or short yoga practice...and the days I do not run I will either go to the studio or do a DVD of yoga. I think that is a great birthday gift to myself.

Starting another 40 day routine

After reviewing my blog posts from last year, I think what I need, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically is to complete another 40 day journey. I was already planning on going to a yoga studio for 3 weeks, I might as well start incorporating the journey this weekend and add a few extra yoga sessions into my routine early.

For the past 60 days or so, my fiance and I have been doing the P90 workout. Since it is two dvds for the first 6 weeks (we did a month) and two dvds for the second 6 weeks (we did a month) it becomes boring fast. We have decided to end it up tomorrow and take a month off from the P90 and P90X plan. I am going to reintroduce myself to more yoga classes (and home practice), running, and some other DVDs that we have. I think that completing the 40 day yoga practice again may help me destress and focus on me.

I doubt that I will blog as much as I did last year, but I do hope to have my blogging be a part of the experience again.

Day 40 of 40

Wow...40 days already gone and I feel amazing.

I had no idea how strong I could become in 40 days. This morning I did part of my yoga practice (approximately 45 minutes...but didn't get to do lower back and abs, that will have to be after work). I felt incredible and so strong. Last night during my practice at the studio I kept pushing myself and felt great. I almost was able to do a headstand.

I had no idea what I was in for when I started this journey, and even if I did, I doubt it would have ended up however I expected it to. This journey is all about getting what you need, when you need it, how you need it. So many challenges popped up during this journey, and each one was gotten through. I learned so much about myself and finally honestly love myself...even with a bit of extra weight.

Some things that I have discovered along the way:

-It is hard to let go of things, but it is possible. When I let go of things I do feel that there is a hole left behind that must be filled...and I will be aware of this and attempt to fill it with positive things.
- Once you step out of the comfort zone, it can feel incredible.
- Coming apart is a part of any process...and sometimes it just feels good to cry and let it all out.
- The rocks are hard to remove, but once you see them and start the process, the heart, body, and soul feel so much lighter.
- It's difficult to be still, but it is necessary to be still.
- It's nice to let go and not plan everything super far in advance...this allows for change and flexibility.
- Finding my drishti is not just for my yoga practice, it is useful in life.
- Many of the teachings of yoga are good for life...and the philosophy of yoga is slowly being incorporated into my life, creating so much calm and peace...I dig it
- The key for survival is to find my breath
- I enjoy practicing on my deck by myself, but I like the energy of others practicing with me
- I can be way too hard on myself, especially when I listen within my meditation
- Life is pretty amazing

Namaste

Sidetracked, but finding my way back - day 38 of 40

I was sidetracked earlier this week regarding my center and my breath, but I am finding my way back to me. It's amazing how when I am slightly off center/balance and do not have my guard up, how easily I stumble.

Over the weekend I had a lovely time, though a bit too much alcohol was consumed. This threw me off with my practice. I took Saturday off as a rest day and finished the previous week on Sunday. On Monday I went for a yearly check up and my doctor said things which I took as I am doing everything wrong. I have since recovered from this, however, it threw me for a loop. It has taken me 4 meditations (2 hours worth) to find my center and breath again since this discussion. I realize now that if I am off balance my guard must go up in order to protect myself.

I look back at earlier posts as well as the journal I am keeping for this journey, and only last week I was stating how centered I am and how happy I am with my body and spirit...on Monday it was though I had forgotten all of that and felt so small yet so large. Small in emotion and as a voice, large in terms of size. I realize again that I am me, I love myself, and I am worth more than I give myself credit for. Others love me, but I need to love myself and remember that I love myself.

This journey has had me open up to the fact that I am worth so much more than I thought. I do need to remind myself of the laws of transformation, especially to "relax with what is" and to "be true to yourself". When I do that, the light returns to my eyes, my heart, and I feel at peace and centered.

I have 3 more yoga practices to complete and 5 more meditations until this journey is complete...though I do hope and plan to continue on, as this journey was just the beginning.

Day 32 of 40 days to personal revolution + quinoa

Yesterday was a testing day for me. I had to wait, a lot yesterday. I felt off and not excited about the events...tired as well.

After work (which dragged on yesterday) I went to the chiropractor. I was early, but I needed to be out of there by a specific time. I waited a bit (due to my being early). I was "slow moving" according to the doctor, and the massage therapist noticed that my muscles were very tight, as though I were very stressed out (which I did not think that I was). I was then off to the hair salon. I did arrive 20 minutes early to my appointment, but my appointment started about 40 minutes late...thus I waited for an hour. I tried to be in the moment, I tried not to worry...but then the treatment to my hair ended up taking longer than expected so I did not leave until 3.5 hours after I arrived (2.5 hours worth of stuff done to my hair). I felt that between the chiro and hair, that I meditated enough for the day.

I was not upset, but I was getting irritated because I was hungry. I focused on that hunger and realized it was my own doing that I was hungry, but I was proud of myself for not giving in and getting sweets...I did give in and had cheese & crackers, jerky, and a grilled cheese for dinner at 9:30 last night...but it was that or nothing, and I knew I was going running this morning so I opted for that.

Once home, I relaxed...and I was happy that I had everything done yesterday...but being in the moment and not getting upset or frustrated was difficult...I was proud that I was only irritable towards the end of the appointment and I did not take it out on anyone...I let it go :)

This morning was a wonderful morning. I got out of bed at 5:45am and the puppy and I were out the door. A warm up walk followed by a run. It was 60+ degrees and very humid (so my hair has not stayed as lovely as it was last night, but that's ok). We ran about 2.5 miles with about 3 stops in there to walk because the puppy was trailing behind. Right after 2.5 miles, the puppy stopped and sat down in the middle of the sidewalk...refusing to move. I tried everything I could think of, and finally, I lifted up his bottom and he got up and walked 2 more blocks...and then sat down again. Now he had an audience, so he got up a bit quicker, and then started playing tug-of-war with his leash, and pulled me about a block...only 1 block left and he could have his breakfast...so that last block was just fine. It ended up being about 30 minutes of running and 30 minutes of walking overall, so a lovely morning.

Yoga will be this evening, 75 minutes of vinyasa at the studio. I'm looking forward to this class very much tonight. Tomorrow will be a solo practice at home followed by a lovely french cooking class...I'm looking forward to being in the moment at that :)

In terms of being grounded, I'm trying...I continue to focus on the present, and being here, and accepting things as they are...but man that's tough sometimes!

Finally, breakfast this morning...quinoa

I cooked up 1 cup of quinoa (1 cup quinoa, 2 cups water, bring to boil, simmer until water is gone)
I then took about 1/4 of what I made and had that for breakfast with 1/2 of a fresh mango and a tiny bit of agave nectar.

Holy yummy! I plan to have this again tomorrow and on Saturday with apples instead. I've read that this is a great breakfast, and I've seen others enjoying it, but now I have...and I share it with you.

Delicious :)

8 days remaining

Day 31 of 40, counting down

I continue to reach new levels that I did not know existed within myself. This morning during my practice, I released further into half pidgin than I ever have before. I let go! That is so hard to do in half pidgin, and in life. It appears to be easier for me to release and let go of things, at least recently, I hope that the trend continues.

I went to TruHarmony for a 6:30am hot vinyasa class this morning...and my butt was kicked. I don't know what it was about class this morning, but man I was challenged. I kept reminding myself to step out of my comfort zone, but sometimes I had to just be still and not move forward with the flow...I listened to my body. I'm so happy that I went this morning, and over the summer I'll be working at 9 instead of 8 so I should be able to attend this class more frequently.

I did not have a successful meditation this morning though, mostly because I got up, walked the dog, went to yoga, and that took a bit more time than I had originally thought...so I would say 10-15 minutes of meditation at the studio this morning. Last night, however, I struggled with my 25 minutes. I am curious to see what happens this evening as I feel there is something that is about to be released within me, and this is why the meditation becomes a struggle after 15-20 minutes. I'm interested to open up and allow myself to release whatever I am holding onto.

The diet...fine still...not nearly as intense as the fruit fast. I've been eating more fish this week and tonight making a tofu stir fry so lots of yummy options. I am debating about treating myself with something from Starbucks afterwork...but that would seem not to be a positive thing to do to my body...no matter how yummy it might taste.

Day 30 of 40

I have recently had some interesting realizations during my reflections and meditations. The following two are ones that I want to highlight.

When you let go of something that you've been holding onto (typically negative) I feel that there is a whole left behind, a part of you becomes "missing". It can feel lonely, scarey, strange. I became quite emotional when I let go of parts of my negativity that I had been holding onto. I couldn't quite describe it or understand it, but it was almost painful, and I had some fear. Yesterday I realized that I had mostly let go, but needed to let go completely...and there was an empty space that needed to be filled...I chose to fill that with happy memories, love, energy, happy thoughts. I felt so full and happy and bright when I left my yoga practice yesterday. So when you let go of something, acknowledge the whole that it leaves behind, and fill it with positivity.

Planning...you cannot plan everything for if you do, you have no time left to live in the moment or for spontaneity. Life goes by so quickly that if you are always planning, you will miss something. Allow the self to experience the self. Enjoy each moment, be present, and be free.

There are going to be things you must plan in advance (concerts, plane tickets, big vacations, etc) but many things can just be as they are. I am working more and more towards being in the moment, experiencing everything as it comes, and not worrying about plans...for if they do not happen, or do not go as planned, I end up getting hurt or emotional...rather than enjoying what the moment brings.

My yoga practice is going well...I feel very strong and I look forward to the last 10 days of this experience. I plan to continue my practice, but potentially in a slightly different way.

Meditation this morning went much better than yesterday morning...though I do need to stay more present, it's something to work towards.

Day 29 of 40 where I'm at

Well, I've been an emotional journey and I still have 11 days to go. I've lost about 7 pounds, not to mention the inches of toning that have happened. So physically I'm pretty excited about how I'm looking. Emotionally I let go of a ton yesterday. We ended up building a fire in our outdoor fire pit, and I wrote down a number of things that had been stuck within me for years due to one individual. I then tore up those items and threw them, one by one, into the fire. After which the smoke washed over us which I felt refreshing. Later in the evening the pain came out of what I had done...a last attempt at the past taking over me...and I let it go.

Of course, letting go of trauma and difficult things can leave you with an emotional hangover the next time...which is where I am at right now. I want to be at home, allowing myself to mourn the part of myself that I let go...but that's the thing, what I let go of was a part of me that was holding me back, so why mourn it? Celebrate and move forward. I hope to do that later today...after work and after my yoga practice. I was supposed to go support a friend who is on her own emotional journey, but I let her know I was not in the right place mentally to be supportive this evening (there will be others there) but I offered to be supportive tomorrow and the rest of the week. I need to take care of myself...and I'm taking steps towards that.

In regards to my practice, I FINALLY really took yesterday as a rest day (physically) and enjoyed the sunshine. Yes, I went for walks with the puppy, but that was it for exercise. I laid out in the sun, crocheted a bit, spent time with my friend, enjoyed some wine, and just relaxed the majority of the day away (aside from the big emotionally letting go).

The diet...I do really well following it until Saturday night...and on Sunday it's a free for all. I did have some alcohol and coffee on Sunday which I'm guessing I should not have done that soon after the fast, but I did. This week the focus is still on whole foods, but incorporating minerals. I have tofu to make stir fry with, tonight will be fish and a salad...and just need to focus on good solid whole foods with lots of vitamins and minerals. Of course, on Friday evening I won't be following that rule 100% since we have an outing at Cook au Vin which has been in the works for months. More on that to come later in the week.

I have found that on warm days, my comfort food and drink are frozen yogurt and iced coffee. This is a big improvement from the past...and though I am going to focus on the reduction of coffee, I love coffee, and while it takes minerals away, I'm going to allow myself that indulgence.

I am a strong person and I am becoming more enlightened each day thanks to this journey.

Feeling amazing on day 25!

Wow...just wow. A three day fruit fast really can knock you all over the place, but I feel incredible today. I lost 5 pounds over the three days which is mostly water I know...but it's a time of the month where I hold onto lots of water, so there might actually be more to come off. My skin looks amazing, I feel very clear headed, aware, strong, light, happy, carefree. I am a bit tired still, but I think tomorrow that tiredness will go away. It doesn't help that the puppy likes to wake me up at 3:30am this week.

I did "cheat" slightly last night. The tomato and eggplant dinner I made myself needed some spice. I added crushed red pepper, fresh basil, garlic, salt & pepper (not much salt). That was delicious. I'm excited to eat it tomorrow over some vegetable pasta..and maybe add more basil and a touch of mozzarella :) Who knows though, I might stay vegan for a bit longer. Today is an all vegan day to transition from only fruit to more foods. Of course I have a ton of food that I'm going to eat, or so it seems.

How did I transition this morning? A vega energy bar, chocolate flavor, that tasted delicious. I had another flavor during my vegan month that I did not like very much, but this chocolate one gets a win from me. I also had some vega whole food replacement shake (chocolate as well) this morning. The two together gave me 350 calories so a good breakfast and snack, though I had them a bit close to each other for breakfast and snack, but that's ok. Lunch will be roasted vegetables...I have been looking forward to these since Monday when I started (since I thought initially this was a fruit & vegetable fast, but no, just fruit). My roasted veggies: carrot, parsnips, brussel sprouts, broccoli, tomato, garlic...in a word, YUMMY! In honor of Cinco de Mayo, for dinner the bf is making taco rice, and I will be having rice n beans with red pepper and some roasted or sauteed kale on the side. So yes, vegan for today and maybe tomorrow, but we'll see.

I can't believe how great I feel though, it's really amazing. No bloating at all right now, skin is shining and just overall I feel light.

In my morning practice, I was concerned because my knee was bothering me on my walk with the pup...once I was on my mat I was fine and I paid close attention to my alignment. All of the sudden I realized how strong I was with my high to low plank, my side plank, and holding my positions. Holding low plank was really exciting since I felt as though I was in perfect alignment and holding it just fine. I've finally arrived to that level in my practice...whatever that level is.

My meditations are not going as well as everything else, but I am trying!

Day 24 of 40...and day 3 of 3 for the fruit fast

Whoa...a 3 day fruit fast and it's almost complete. Yesterday was tough but today seems to be going well. I have found a number of fruits that I thought were vegetables, so it made it eating fruits much easier this week.

Dates are the most filling fruit that I have eaten. I love dates, and I've been eating about 4 dates a day (the big medjool dates), maybe 6 dates. Oranges have been yummy, strawberries and grapes as well. My favorite find was my cucumber mango soup (chilled) though the tomato and chipotle soup was good as well, and tasted good hot.

As for my practice, I feel very strong with my yoga practice. I am wanting to go back to the studio more frequently but right now I'm going to try and go on Friday and Saturday since I overslept this morning but I managed to get my practice in at home...just not at the studio. I'm ok with that.

I really feel so much more relaxed and lighter. I'm not as reactive as I used to be. I'm much more go with the flow. I just feel happier over all...and less stressed. I love me...I really am beginning to love me. So much has left my chest and I just enjoy each moment so much more than I thought possible. I'm smiling as I write this and it's genuine.

Enough sappy stuff...Recipes? Of course.
Source:
http://community.yogajournal.com/_Triumph-for-40-Days-to-Personal-Revolution/blog/225545/25925.html

Chilled Mango and Cucumber Soup Gourmet | August 2002

2 mangoes, peeled and pitted (2 pounds total)
2 seedless cucumbers (usually plastic-wrapped; 1 1/2 pounds total)
3 tablespoons finely chopped red onion - I did not use
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice, or to taste
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro - I did not use

Finely chop 1 mango and 1 cucumber and set aside. Coarsely chop remaining mango and cucumber and purée with 1/4 cup water in a blender until almost smooth. Transfer to a bowl and stir in finely chopped mango and cucumber, onion, lime juice, and 2 cups cold water. Place bowl in a larger bowl of ice and cold water and stir until cool.

Cooks' note:
·Soup can also be chilled in the refrigerator until cold, but it will take about 2 hours


Tomato-Chipotle Soup with Fresh Peach Salsa Bon Appétit | August 2000
(Note, I did not make the peach salsa since I could not find any peaches)

Yield: Makes 4 servings
ingredients
2 1/2 pounds plum tomatoes, seeded, chopped (about 6 cups)
1 cup (about) tomato juice
4 tablespoons chopped onion - did not use
3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro - did not use
2 teaspoons (or more) chopped canned chipotle chilies* - I used 2 hole chilies
1 garlic clove, minced

1 ripe peach, peeled, pitted, diced (did not make)
1 teaspoon minced jalapeño chili (did not make)

Reserve 1 cup chopped tomatoes for peach salsa. Place remaining tomatoes in processor and puree until smooth. Transfer to 2-quart glass measuring cup. Add enough tomato juice to puree to equal 5 cups tomato mixture. Place 2 cups tomato mixture in blender. Add 2 tablespoons onion, 2 tablespoons cilantro, 2 teaspoons chipotle chilies and garlic to blender. Puree until very smooth. Stir puree back into tomato mixture in measuring cup. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Add more chopped chipotles, if desired. Cover; refrigerate until well chilled, about 1 hour. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Keep soup chilled. Cover reserved chopped tomatoes and chill.)

Mix reserved chopped tomatoes, remaining 2 tablespoons onion and 1 tablespoon cilantro, peach and jalapeño in small bowl. Ladle tomato soup into bowls. Sprinkle with peach salsa; serve.

*Chipotle chilies canned in a spicy tomato sauce, sometimes called adobo, are available at Latin American markets, specialty foods stores and some supermarkets.

nutritional information
Per serving: calories, 43; total fat, 0; saturated fat, 0; cholesterol, 0
Nutritional analysis provided by Bon Appétit

Week 4 - including the fruit fast!

What an incredible journey this experience has been so far. On Friday I had an emotional break through, though it was assisted by some wine. I was finally able to let go, step out of my comfort zone, and remove the rocks. I talked about a topic with my boyfriend that I have been trying to for months and just could not...finances. That to me is the hardest discussion, so tough that I had a panic attack prior to talking about it. Thankfully, I let go, and finally had the discussion, and now things are so much better. So much weight has been lifted.

I also was able to check in with my yoga mentor and discuss where I am at with this journey. I feel so much lighter than I was 22 days ago. Meditating is becoming something that I look forward to, that time for myself. This morning meditation was increased to 20 minutes and I ended up doing 25! It was not an issue at all and I enjoyed those 5 extra minutes. I will admit, it is difficult at 20 minutes to not switch into a dream state...staying present is so important, but a challenge.

The fruit cleanse is happening now. I have done fruit & veggie cleanses for 3 days in the past, and have the detox symptoms for sure. I guess because I have done fruit & veggie in the past, that is what I assumed this was. I was wrong. This is a fruit only cleanse. So what have I done today? Looked up what people mistake as vegetables and they are really fruit. This way, I can incorporate some of what I bought for the veggie part. I am also going to pick up a few other items that I did not think about. Eggplant, zucchini, more tomatoes...this does not have to be a raw fruit cleanse :) I also have looked up some new recipes and plan to make one cold soup, just not sure which one yet.

So for those of you who are thinking about this...here is a quick list of more savory fruits

Avocado
Cucumber
Eggplant
Green beans
Peas
Peppers
Pumpkin
Squash (including zucchini)
Tomatoes

What have I eaten so far/what is my plan to eat?
Breakfast - pineapple, strawberry, banana smoothie
Snacks & Lunch - grapes, clementines, orange
Dinner - avocado, tomato, cucumber salad

Tomorrow
Breakfast: Strawberries, melon
Snacks & Lunch - grapes, orange, clementines
Dinner - Cucumber Mango Soup OR Tomato-Chipotle Soup (with fresh peach salsa)

Wednesday:
Breakfast: Another smoothie
Snacks & Lunch: Left over soup, orange, grapes
Dinner - eggplant, zucchini, tomato cooked up

Coming off of the fast
Breakfast - green smoothie
Lunch - roasted veggies
Dinner - sauteed greens and quinoa pilaf

Of course, I'm coming off of the fast on Cinco De Mayo, so I may switch up the dinner slightly to include beans and guacamole :)

As for the practice itself...my yoga is so strong. I am connected with my breath, and I look forward to practicing each day. I ran a 5k yesterday and though it brought me joy, it was slightly different. Of course, I really do need to give myself that one full day of rest...this upcoming week for sure :)

Day 16 of 40 days of yoga, meditation, etc....

Week 3 has started off with a bang...sort of. I tried waking up yesterday morning at 5am in order to meditate and practice (15 & 45)....but no, that did not happen. So I meditated a little after 6 and did my practice after work. Meditating for 15 minutes is a challenge for me. Yesterday morning I was not staying present...last night I was distracted a bit less...this morning I could feel my back, neck and shoulders moving around...oh and sitting still for 15 minutes while focusing on your breath and staying present....holy hell is that hard.

I am working very hard on staying present and being with my breath...taking things as they come, going with the flow...that is a challenge for me as well...being non-reactive. I guess I did not realize that I have a temper deep down. I have passive aggressive thoughts and actually do want to snap...for a long time I've just put all of that deep down and let it build up until I explode...but now I am trying to stick with the moment...and I like to react and over-react to things. I really was not aware of the reacting thing...over-reacting yes, but typically that was when I was at my boiling point (or so I thought).

The yoga practice this week is fantastic. 45 minutes, my flow is really strong, my tree looks great...side plank is becoming easier and easier...it's all just flowing nicely for me right now (2 days into week 3).

I did go for a run with the dog last night, and that was super as well. I hope to go for another run tomorrow and then I do have a race on Sunday. Once these 40 days are up, I am going to have to find a way to continue to incorporate my yoga practice and my runs since both work so well together, and they both make me happy.

Lastly is the "diet" portion. This week is another week of eating whole foods...but being aware of when I crave things and sticking with the feeling. Yesterday, at Whole Foods, I craved raw almonds and bought them...and ate some on my way home. It was hunger not emotion...but after an incident yesterday with a neighbor, I did crave comfort food...but did not indulge in it. I acknowledged it, and realized it was a comfort food craving due to a fight or flight response, and I knew that I did not need that food...it was just a response. The craving went away. The raw cashews were hunger, and since I had not eaten that much earlier in the day, and had a run to get in before dinner...I figured that was a good protein and fat and calorie choice. As was today's lunch of a salad + soba noodle salad (with scallions, snap peas, red pepper and carrots, NO CUCUMBERS this time, mixing it up).

I am quite pleased with myself today.

Week 3 - equanimity

After a fast weekend with lots of traveling, cooking, and celebrating, it's back home and ready to start week 3. I will say that over the weekend my yoga practice hit a new level where side plank just made sense, so yay for that!

This morning my alarm went off at 5am so that I could meditate and complete my yoga practice before work...that did not happen. I did get up at 6 and was able to complete my meditation...15 minutes. I was strong with my meditation. I was able to acknowledge that my body wanted to fidget and let go of that...somehow though, I allowed myself to drift out, no longer focusing on my breath or even being 100% present...and BAM! Both hands moved up to my face and touched my nose. Well sh*t...I don't even know how it happened, but I need to pay attention to that.

I have reached out to my amazing yogi friend Megan today (she is the owner of TruHarmony where I practice) to see about my practice. I feel conflicted as to whether I should be following the practice provided in the book 100% or mix it up by attending some group classes and some of my own. I also feel the need to add more running back in. I haven't really run in 2 weeks, I've been so focused on my yoga.

I also feel as though I am not following the diet as well as I could be...I don't know what else I can do other than be more portion control aware, but I've been tracking everything and I seem to be under rather than over (except this past weekend I totally overindulged).

If I take away how I feel today (due to a busy travel filled weekend with a baby shower and cooking for Easter thrown in)...I am feeling much stronger and more fit overall. Today I feel exhausted and bloated and negative but I'm trying to change that by thinking positive thoughts.

According to the book, "Equanimity is the art of meeting life as it meets you". I am trying already to practice this...this week it just becomes my focus.

40 day - day 11

I am going through a number of emotions right now and it's becoming a challenge for sure. Last night I got home and decided not to go out for a double yoga day. I stayed in and did laundry in our basement too (which I never do because it's overpriced and, well scarey down there, and only one small washer and dryer). I just wanted to stay home. I made a healthy dinner...and had a few accidents that I needed to clean up (poor puppy). Oh and also, the cat decided to find a new hiding place, underneath our cabinets. So it was a good evening to stay at home.

A potential buyer of our building came in and he was not the nicest person in the world, throwing me for more loops. He flat out told me if he buys the building (but not at it's current price) he would be jumping up our rent. He also started insulting my cat, and when he was leaving pet my cat while I was holding him and said, "You're cute, even if you are a bit fat". He then looked at me and said, "I was referring to your cat".

Those two statements (there were others that bothered me but I let them go) really threw me for a loop. It added to my already odd emotional state. I started looking up condos to buy immediately to find an escape plan.

I need to just relax and not worry I realize this, but I ran from that moment (at least I am aware). This morning I was still dwelling on the fat comment and noticed that my meditation was difficult to focus on. I kept bringing myself back to my breath, but my mind would float. When it was time for my yoga practice, I opted to delay and wait until this afternoon. My left shoulder is sore today (where I had all the pain after being hit by a car) and I'm wondering where the root of that is coming from. Is it due to 11 days of yoga with multiple doubles or is it due to the emotional state that I am in with all of my emotions coming up from deep in my joints and now I've reached the shoulder? More to meditate on I suppose.

Day 10 - 40 days to personal revolution

I am into the double digits already, this is quite exciting.

I have noticed some changes with my way of thinking, and the challenges I have in pushing the negative thoughts out of me, not just pushing them down. There is a difference for sure. The pushing down means they will pop up again. During my meditation I am trying to identify the thoughts, and afterwards, let them leave my body and mind.

One I really like that I am keeping is as follows: "I need to accept myself and my body how it is before I can change it." This means, before I will even see the differences in my body and be worthy of it (since I will accept it and treasure it), I need to accept and love me for who I am now. If I can love myself how I am now, I can love myself how I will be.

I'm so focused on weight and appearance, and I do not really focus on the deeper parts of me. I suppose I feel that I am a good person on the inside. For the most part that is true, but since I am a "people pleaser" (historically) I may come across as a sycophant. That is not what I want to be viewed as. I want to do the right thing and be there for people, but not at the cost of myself and my views. This is going to be something else that I work on during this journey.

As for the yoga practice itself, I feel stronger each day, even when I'm sore and slightly weak. I held side plank properly on each side today again, though I took an extra breath to get setup. I find that I am taking the proper amount of time each day with my practice (30 minutes on the nose today) though all I am doing is following my breath. Ragdoll has become a favorite pose for me this week and I plan on taking it often in the future :) My cat did practice with me a bit this morning, but luckily the dog stayed in bed. My mind did try to convince me to just do the meditation this morning and go to a class in the afternoon for my practice, but I was committed to being on my mat this morning and glad that I was. I plan on going to practice tonight as well, possibly flow or sculpt, but it will be ok if I don't.

Wonderful day today, lots of possibilities!

40 days to personal revolution - Day 9

I am definitely on a journey, that is for sure.

The meditation for week 2 is to listen to the tapes that are on repeat in your mind. It is tiring to listen to those tapes for two 10 minute sessions a day. I had no idea how negative my tapes are. I am really quite hard on myself. I hope that over the next few weeks I will find a way to let go of those thoughts and move forward into a more positive tape regarding me.

The yoga practice is becoming something more familiar. I am still trying to get in my doubles, but yesterday that was difficult. I was up at 4:45 yesterday morning due to a puppy...but stayed awake for my meditation and yoga practice before getting ready for work. I then went to yoga after work. It was supposed to be bootcamp/sculpt, however, it ended up being an intense 60 minute flow and I was in the hottest corner of the room. I fell asleep before class and at the end of class...during class I had difficulties keeping up in a few areas and took child's pose which is fine. When it was time to leave though, I had no energy left...and was exhausted. This morning my practice was a bit difficult since my arms were quite sore. I like the sore feeling, but it does make it difficult for Sun A, Sun B and Side Plank (which I did not need the modification today!).

I am pleased though. The diet this week is focusing on eating whole foods and minimizing the processed stuff. Typically that is my life, eating more whole foods and minimal processed, or so I though. Tonight I am using a frozen fish as opposed to a fresh one...and I have been tempted to use some canned beans already this week, but I will do my best to keep everything fresh. My diet the past two days is as follows:

Monday:
Breakfast - green smoothie (red chard, spinach, wheatgrass, pear, kiwi, frozen berries)
Lunch - greek yogurt, raw granola bar
Snack - pretzels with almond butter
Dinner - shrimp stir fry with rice noodles

Tuesday:
Breakfast - green smoothie (kale, spinach, wheatgrass, goji berries, banana, pineapple, hemp seed)
Lunch - cucumber, hummus, pita chips
Snack - grapes with almond butter
Dinner - tortilla lime encrusted tilapia tacos

I think it's a pretty good mixture of things and I am trying to go as fresh as possible...and tomorrow I will be eating chicken and rice with veggies for dinner...a salad for lunch and possibly adding a boca burger to it so I can have some protein (yes I realize that is processed, but I need the protein). It's not about beating yourself up of course, it's about being aware and being connected.

I am feeling more relaxed overall and more aware. I have not been list writing, though I feel the need to write a list of the things I need to remember to get before going away for the Easter weekend...but if I forget it, I forget it. I am making a strong effort to go with the flow.

I am excited about this journey...and I am already 9 days in. This is going by faster than my vegan experiment...and that one flew by pretty quickly!

Day 5 of 40 days (yoga)

Why do I have a feeling this is going to be similar to my vegan month in terms of seeing how "easy" things can be if we are motivated to do them?

I admit, it is hard to face myself sometimes...the more I practice, the more open I become and honest I become with myself. I'm learning to let go of things, I'm learning to realize what it is I really want to change/improve. It's quite enlightening, and scary. I'm also finding I'm stronger than I think I am. What's interesting is that one of the places I practice at, which I love, I don't feel as though I am as strong there. We move through flow very quickly there, and perhaps that is part of it. I can't put my finger on it just yet, but I am being open to seeing what it is there within myself.

I enjoy taking the time to eat right. I always do when I do it properly (for me). I don't like putting crap in my body, yet sometimes I fall victim to the "it's easier" BS...it's really not. Making one batch of ratatouille involves prep time of maybe 15 minutes, cook time of a couple of hours (where you stir every once and a while) and it gives me dinner and 2 lunches...with just 15 minutes of me involved time (maybe 20 when you include putting it away). I just feel better when I have lots of fruits and veggies in me and minimal processed crap.

The dog is not understanding my new routine though. He (again) woke me up at 3am needing to go outside. 5 minutes after we came in, he let me know something was wrong, to which I assumed he needed to go out again...so we did, for 30 minutes...and he did nothing, because he didn't need to, he needed water. I still got up 2 hours later for meditation and yoga practice...and as I was getting to my mat, he needed to go out. He couldn't give me the 20 minutes I needed! But, I have learned, to let that go...everything happens for a reason, and perhaps I needed a few extra minutes to truly come to my mat this morning...perhaps. Just like I couldn't make my smoothie because the timing was all off for me to get to work, so I stopped and got a fresh egg and cheese sammich at Panera. I could have opted for a variety of "fast food" options, but I knew that was the closest thing to homemade I could get, and I need the protein.

I am noticing some changes within myself and physically. I feel my arms changing...they are sore but it's ok...and tomorrow I just have to practice and then a day of rest. Of course having double practice 3 out of the 5 days this week, and adding a bike ride on a 4th day has nothing to do with it (and a run tomorrow).

Meditation is becoming a key part of my day as well. I look forward to my morning meditation, and I am making better time for my evening meditation. When it increases to 30 minutes instead of 5 I might be singing a different tune though.

Day 4 - 40 days of yoga

I find it incredible how my body insists on doing a morning practice after only a few days in a row, and most of those doubles!

Last night I went to my yoga sculpt and bootcamp class. It kicked my butt, I stuck with it, listened to my body, pushed when I didn't think I could, modified when I felt I had to. I sweat, I got tired, I did well.

This was also after a morning practice and going to the chiropractor.

When I got home I figured I would not do a morning practice today, since I have a yoga event tonight...boy was I wrong! Though the puppy woke me up at 3:30ish to go out to pee...I was up at 6:30 with him again to go outside...and I just needed to follow up my meditation with my yoga practice. My body and my mind seem to enjoy beginning my day this way, so yay to that.

I also decided not to have any wine last night...this is a shocking thing for me since I love wine so much. I opted instead for half of a kombucha tea (Synergy Gingerberry). It was delightful. I was so enlightened after yoga and enjoying my kombucha that I realized why two of our lights were not working ("garden lights") and fixed them immediately.

I have also figured out where I am at regarding my food body pattern. I believe that I am currently in excess of heat, thus I need to be in a cleansing mode. It makes sense...and that would imply why having the green smoothies again is making me feel better. Yesterday I did not even have coffee...and I didn't need it today, but I did want it, so I made one cup for myself.

I can't wait for the creative chakra event tonight! The timing was great to match up with me starting my personal revolution.

I do feel more aware so far, so that is very positive. More to come :)

40 days to a personal revolution - day 2 and morning 3

I've decided that I'm going to keep track of a few things on this journey. I won't post all of the details of everyday on this blog, since that seems a bit TMI, but I'd be happy to share it if anyone is interested.

I am reflecting on things each day (or going to try to), as well as keeping track of what I do regarding the "plan" versus my own interests. For example, no additional workouts are needed during the 40 days. In the book it states, "you can continue, but I would also encourage you to lessen them. This program will give you what you need, and as you progress, you may no longer want to do your other activities." I'm going to try to keep up my normal routine but not force myself to. I've already found I just need to listen to my body as it really does know best. For example, yesterday though part of me really wanted to go for a run, my hamstring was still tight from the Shuffle...but a bike ride seemed like it would be great. It was a short ride, but it was a ride and I felt wonderful afterwards.

As far as reflections go, or funny stories...one of the best things, which I find hilarious, involves my puppy Charlie. Yesterday I did meditation after he and I had gone for his morning walk. He then decided it was play time, and whacked me quite a few times with his rope tug toy. Somehow I managed to stay in my meditation, but I learned very quickly meditation is best when Charlie is still asleep in the other room!

My yoga practice with a cat and a dog in the house is fun as well. This morning my cat, Bastian, decided that he needed to be on my mat. This really is nothing new, except that he kept returning to it after I'd move him off. Usually, he gets the hint...I guess he wanted to practice this morning with me. He was purring during my meditation which assisted me in finding my breath.

Some interesting things that I've had come to mind in my reflections. I'm feeling more connected to myself already and stronger. Today I felt that all I wanted was greens and other veggies to eat (green smoothie for breakfast, lunch of a salad and cucumbers and hummus, I already made some ratatouille for dinner). I feel energized as well. I did not think that getting up at 6am was going to be positive for me (though my normal wake up time is 6:30). I have lots of energy this morning and feel encouraged to wake up at 6 tomorrow to meditate and either have a yoga practice or go for a run (since tomorrow night is a yoga practice and creative chakra event at Luluemon).

So far, I am becoming more engaged in this process and excited to see what the next 37 days hold in store for me.