My birth story

Birth story time!

I was having contractions starting around 7:15am on November 4. Got to triage around 10:30am and was 3cm with contractions every 3-4 minutes. Got admitted and brought to L&D around noon. Had the most amazing nurse who is how I managed to stay going all natural. Did walking and birth ball, had lots of people talking with me. Got checked around 3 and was only 4cm so doctor broke my bag. Holy cow did that speed everything up! Went walking and contractions were every 2 minutes or less. Wanted to give up on natural. Felt like I had to poop! Nurse heard that and got excited so we decided to get me a shower. I was primal screaming so into bed and I was 8cm. The doctor was pushing with another patient so the midwife came in, about 5 pushes and I was at 10cm just as the doctor came in. I think 3 more and he was out. I pushed for 20 minutes (so it had to be more pushes) but I was done before the residents made it in! His head is 37cm and I did it :) 8 pounds and 10 ounces of love that is 21 inches long. From beginning to end only 10 hours of labor. I did tear a little but worth it :)

Coming to an end?

I am 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant today.

It's incredible to think about really. I have grown a human. I can feel him moving around and how he's changed (kind of). After trying so hard to conceive, finally conceiving, making it through the first trimester, growing in the second trimester, and now winding things down in the third trimester, this journey has been incredible.

I tried very hard not to complain during my pregnancy since it was so hard for us to get pregnant. Are there rough days? Absolutely! This part is really hard because sleep is not really happening, there is no way to get comfortable, and hormones are making me crazy. Add to that contractions starting, fluid leaking, stuffy nose, waddling, baby dropping...it's just a whole lot happening at once...and I'm still working (go me).

Things that I feel I have learned:
1.) Limit what you say to a pregnant person, especially towards the end
What I mean by that is while I appreciate everyone being interested in my pregnancy, I hear the same thing 50 times a day and it's hard to keep answering some questions.

2.) Everyone has an opinion and yours is wrong
Ugh, people are just asshats! Everyone will give you their opinion of what you are going through compared to what they went through even though every pregnancy (and every person) is different. I just keep thinking that it's good practice for when these people start to tell me how to raise my child.

3.) Exercise is awesome
Well I already knew that, but I was able to do real workouts until about 36 weeks where I was riding a bike, swimming or on the elliptical in addition to walking and yoga. Now I'm just down to yoga and walking but I'm still doing those things and it really does make me feel good, and I think has helped me throughout the pregnancy.

4.) The body is an amazing thing
I can believe how stretched out I am, it's crazy! This is a comparison photo from 6 weeks to 37 weeks.

I should take a picture this week to show that I've dropped but I keep forgetting to do that.

5.) Gratitude

I had already started a gratitude list at the beginning of the year (which I failed at keeping up with). I am grateful for so much though, and being pregnant has helped me to see even more. I have amazing friends and family and support system. My husband is the greatest man in the world. My dogs are incredible as is my cat...and my husband and I are really good at training them (when we are consistent). Our world is very full and complete and wonderful. We are lucky and I'm happy about that.

6.) Ferris Bueller was right

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

I am excited to meet this little man and I realize that while this journey is coming to an end, I have a new wonderful journey that's just about to begin...and luckily I can have some wine to help me with this new journey :)

Witnessing road rage

On my way to work today I was able to witness some crazy road rage...like I had my phone out to call 9-1-1 road rage. All of this was in my rear view mirror and it scared the crap out of me.

It all began as I was turning right onto River Road...the car behind me threw some trash out their passenger window (from the drivers seat). I shook my head at him but just kept driving. I then realized that car (a Lexus of course) had been really close to the line a few blocks earlier (two lane road) and was pretty close to hitting the side of my car. The road I was on is kind of thin for two lanes so I'm used to cars being close on that road, but I started thinking about that.

Now on River, it's a two lane road, I stay in the right hand lane...the Lexus took the left hand lane but was behind me. Cue the Nissan. The Lexus was riding the line and the Nissan didn't like that. The Lexus then began trying to cut off the Nissan, the Nissan then sped up and back and forth this went. The Lexus driving in his 50s the Nissan driver, in his/her 20s. The Lexus kept driving between the two lanes, swerving back and forth between the two lanes. Somehow, the Nissan was able to pass the Lexus, though the Lexus tried very hard to prevent that from happening and got REALLY close to my back end...somehow the Nissan squeezed in between the Lexus and me...and then the Lexus turned left at the light.

This all took place over approximately 1/2-1 mile of road.

This would have been freaky in general, but pregnancy makes me paranoid so I was super scared. That's why I have my phone out to call 9-1-1 but by the time I got my ear piece in (to follow the law when calling) the Lexus was turning left. I thought about calling in case the Lexus remained in poor driving condition on Belmont, but decided to just let it go and blog about it as an observation...be careful out there kids! Between the blood moon with it's eclipse and mercury in retrograde, I think that there are a ton of crazy things that could happen today.

Nerves

I'm starting to get really nervous about all sorts of unknown (and uncontrollable) things. I am 99% sure that this is a normal part of pregnancy, but wanted to write about it anyway.

My due date is 5 weeks away from today. 5 weeks away...35 days...holy cow, 35 days away. I realize that he can really come at any point between now and then (and a few days later) but still...35 days away.

I'm nervous about labor, which is funny because a week or two ago I told my husband I wasn't. I know it's going to hurt, but I know it's temporary. Of course, as my baby has less and less room, and I experience these fun "practice" contractions more and more, I'm becoming nervous about labor.

I'm nervous about delivery...so much can go right, wrong, unknown!

I'm nervous about the weather and about traffic. It's Chicago, I realize that there is always going to be traffic, I'm just nervous about it. Weather at the end of October/beginning of November can be anything too.

I realize I have NO CONTROL over any of the things I'm nervous about. I think that's why I'm nervous about these things...no control. I realize I am about to enter this next stage of my life where I have no control. It's terrifying!

I'm nervous about my dogs, even though I know I don't need to be. I need to be aware but not nervous. I'm nervous about my recovery, what if I can't leave the upstairs of my house for a week or two due to delivery complications?

What if I don't know I'm in labor? What if I go too early or wait too long? What then?

So many things to obsess and be nervous over, it's insane. I keep trying to do little things here and there to set my mind at ease, but it's not working anymore. Plus the exhaustion is just overwhelming...but I still try. Yesterday we went to the Farmers Market, made chili and an apple pie, and put up Halloween decorations...I just laid down in between those things.

Today, I will work all day, swim, and hopefully put away some of the baby's clothes. Tomorrow I will work on packing my bag (which is another holy crap moment). My husband needs to pack his own bag...and I need to remember to pack stuff for the baby in my bag. Oh and installing the car seat, but that's my husband's job.

Again, all scary things...all things that I'm starting to ask, "what did we get ourselves into"...but I know that it will all be alright in the end...I mean come on, Weezer's new album is even called, "Everything Will Be Alright In The End" that's a sign right?

(Almost) 35 weeks and counting

So this is where the bloating and the irritability and the beginning of lack of sleep kicks in. I have very little fuse and it's noticeable. I try really hard!

For example, someone just told me, "wow, you really are bloated" in regards to my feet. Yes I know. That didn't bother me too much. The comment that another person made did, "are you trying to avoid salt?" really? That's your question to me? I'm 35 weeks pregnant...I'm trying to avoid anything and everything that could potentially make me feel worse...and do you honestly think that SALT is my problem?

I'm also really irritated because I am at work today when I really shouldn't have to have been...and the event was in direct sunlight...so after 2 hours I was sent inside because I was beat red and had trouble breathing...and after an hour inside I'm feeling sick. But do I get to go home? Nope...need to stick it out at least another hour.

Oh well :(

Overall this pregnancy has been great...I'm in the home stretch...this lil man needs to bake a little bit longer.

Frazzled

I had an odd incident happen this morning as I was leaving my house and it's left me a bit frazzled.

I was backing out of my driveway, slowly. I had a bit of condensation on my car and the sun was directly behind me so it was a bit difficult to see out my back window. As always I checked for people on the sidewalk...nothing. I checked for a car on the street...nothing. All of the sudden, boom. I had backed into someone who had pulled into my driveway.

I got out and checked that he was ok and that I was ok and that the cars were ok. They all were since I was going maybe 5 mph but more like 2 mph.

What has me more frazzled was the other drivers reaction. Totally on the defensive that he had just delivered a paper across the street and was using my driveway to turn around. In the moment I was fine with it, but now I'm kind of pissed about this entire thing. It's fine that you use my driveway, but when you see that I'm backing up out of my driveway, maybe don't use my driveway, or maybe wait until I'm done backing up out of my driveway. My guess is that he didn't see that I was backing up because when he finished his turning around he gunned it down the street (it's a 25mph zone and he was gone so fast he had to be going 35/40).

Now yes, I'm super sensitive right now, and I yelled in the car when it happened because it shocked me (he came out of no where) and my belly tightened a bit (fight or flight of course) but really why was that guy so defensive and did he even see me? That's more concerning to me right now.

Of course I'm also worried about my driving skills now...am I too pregnant to drive? Too much doubt comes to mind :(

31 weeks and counting

Hello everyone,

As usual, I took a summer vacation from blogging...mostly because I'm too busy at work and too tired when I get home.

Baby news is he is still cooking (yes a he)...I failed the one hour glucose test which was bad but passed the three hour test which is no fun at all, but I passed. I had friends telling me in the middle of the three hour test that I can deny it...why would you tell me that after I've already started the dang thing???

So here are some new observations since I left you all.
- People see you as pregnant and feel they can say anything they want to you.
- Showing that you're pregnant makes people feel they can touch you
- My friends and people I wouldn't mind touching my belly are the ones who are most likely to not touch my belly...it's the strangers who feel that they have the right to
- People love to tell horror stories (either their own or ones that they have heard)
- People love to tell you what to do and how to do it in regards to all things pregnancy, baby and raising a child
- Overweight people love to tell you how HUGE you look when you're pregnant
- People do seem to be more understanding of brain farts when you're pregnant
- People do seem to smile at you more when you're pregnant
- People still do not move out of the way and will bump into you

I think that the worst thing was a very large woman asking me how far along I was, I responded about 6 months and she said, "no you're not, you are way too large to only be 6 months pregnant"...that was the worst one. She was larger than me and just wanted to insult someone else I'm guessing. In the same regard though, the opposite statement bothered me too...a colleague hadn't seen me in a while and didn't notice I was pregnant (this was right around the same time the large stranger had said something to me)...I mentioned my pregnancy and my colleague was shocked and said that "you're hiding it well". How can I be both too large to be 6 months pregnant and hiding it?

Now though I'm shrugging it off much better than I was, but man people sure think that they can do whatever they want around you when you're pregnant!

I've also been trying very hard not to have discussions with people regarding sensitive subjects, such as natural birth versus epidural or other drugs; vaccinations/vaccination scheduling; circumcision; faith etc. People sure want to know those things though.

Milestones and experiences

At work they keep asking me if I'm journaling or blogging about this whole pregnancy experience. I am not doing as good of a job as I might have hoped, but that happens.

This past Sunday (July 6) I had my first experience with what I assume was Braxton Hicks contractions. I was folding laundry and doubled over with pain....it was a bad cramp on the lower side of my belly. I went upstairs, laid down, had some water, had one more cramp, and then everything was fine. I'm hoping that I don't experience that until it's actual labor time, but at least I know what the Braxton Hicks are going to be like for me.

He's been a bunch more active, on some days. The days when I don't feel him moving about all the time I get nervous. I realize it can depend on what I eat, when I eat, how I slept, how he's feeling on each day, but it's something I find myself worrying about. Today was a very active day where he's been moving around all day. Typically he's more of an evening mover and shaker...still not moving enough for my husband to feel, but moving around for sure.

My dogs have decided to teach me patience and not to jump to the conclusion of running to the vet/doctor for everything. Last week, the boys were playing ball, ran at full speed into each other's heads, and one of them had a tooth pop out. He had blood all over his nose, I freaked out...cleaned him up, saw what was going on, researched (google is a friend and an enemy) and calmed down. This week, the other dog decided to jump up on the backside of the grill while we were eating. The grill had been turned off for 10-15 minutes already, but it was still hot. The top part of his paw got stuck onto the outside of the grill (stuck between the grill and the piping that holds the grill up)....that was the WORST sound I ever heard in my life. It lasted 20 seconds at most from the moment it happened until we had him freed but on my goodness it was terrible. He ended up burning up some of his fur and having a burn on his paw, but it's healing up nicely (just like the other one's tooth). They can stop teaching me lessons now!

My dogs are also showing me and my husband that we need to work with them a bit more to prepare them for the baby. One of them is so super excited and curious but he jumps with his mouth open...and he can jump! We need to get more baby stuff in the house so that we can reinforce calm behavior around baby stuff (and eventually around baby). It'll be a process, but we will all be in a happy household eventually.

Things not to say to a pregnant woman

I keep seeing these lists pop up everywhere, but yet I feel that I need to write my own. These are things that have been said (or done) to me...I'm 23 weeks pregnant as of today...I'm sure I'll be updating this list.

"You get bigger every time I see you"
"I can't wait to see how huge you get"
"Oh, I didn't know you're pregnant, you're hiding it, why are you hiding it?"
"You're so tiny, are you ok?"
"Are you sure you're pregnant?"
"Let's see how big that belly has gotten"

Added 7/8/14
"I swear, if you hadn't told me you were pregnant I never would have know"
"I think that us petite women have it (pregnancy) more difficult than *pause to look at me* some non-petite women" - not sure if this is in reference to my height and/or my weight
"Look at how big our baby is getting"

So pretty much, don't talk to me about my size...there is nothing good you could say to me about it.

Dreaming of my next triathlon

One thing that's amazing about this pregnancy is how much I've increased my activity level. I used to run 5x a week but over the years that has drastically been reduced. When we first got pregnant I was running, but by about 8 weeks it hurt. I've still been walking and riding and yoga and I've re-added swimming.

By adding swimming to my workout routine I'm craving a triathlon. I realize that I'm not going to do a triathlon this summer, but I'm starting to think about one for next summer or the summer afterwards. I realize that I have no control over how this pregnancy and birth is going to go, I'm just doing my best to stay healthy throughout it and hope to be able to return to working out soon after the baby is born. It would be so awesome to do a sprint tri next summer. Baby W might be too little though so I might have to wait until the following summer, but I am going to do another sprint, and hopefully do a full length tri in the next 5 years. I always thought I would train for one more marathon too and run it with my husband, but we run and train so differently that I don't think that will actually happen. Perhaps one more marathon is in me, but a tri seems more realistic :)

Of course who knows what will really happen, I just love swimming and yesterday an old man told me that I'm an excellent swimmer :) that made me happy. While swimming yesterday, I felt like the baby and I were synchronized swimming together, it was funny. Today is going to end up being a rest day and tomorrow and Saturday I hope to go for long walks in the woods! We'll see what each day brings though.

Things I didn't know would happen to me during pregnancy

There are so many things that you read about and hear about that happen during pregnancy. I was fortunate enough to have one of my close friends just have her baby 7 weeks ago so she remembers things vividly and shares things with me (and shared during her pregnancy too).

I thought I would make a list of some of the things that I've been surprised about so far, and I'm sure that this list will grow since I'm just past the halfway point (21 weeks today).

1. Hips ache  - while sleeping (which you have to sleep on your sides), while sitting, while standing...they just start to ache. And there's nothing you can take for it. I just started doing more yoga and sleeping with a body pillow between my knees...it helps a bit that's for sure, but there are still aches there.
2. Waking up all the time - not just due to hip aches. The slightest sound wakes me up, I suppose it's to prepare me for when the kiddo makes a sound and needs me, but then people keep saying "sleep now" I can't!
3. Tired all the time but can't sleep - I'm so tired all the time. I want to sleep, but I can't. When I get ready for bed, I become wide awake...so I read and then fall asleep about an hour later...those first 3 hours of sleep are fantastic, and then the tossing and turning begins.
4. It's not always kicking, there's a lot of just pressure and aches - this little one likes to stand on me. It's like he's standing right above my hip bone, which adds to the hip aches I'm sure. It makes it difficult to sit but standing for long hurts. It's just preparing me to never be still I suppose.
5. There are just aches - I realize that I am growing a life inside of me, and that's really cool, I just didn't realize how achy I would be.
6. Bruising happens easily and doesn't go away - last Sunday I hit my leg with the corner of the car door. I got a cut and a huge bruise. The bruise has not gone down at all, it's just there and looks terrible. It doesn't really hurt, but many does it look ugly.
7. Random rashes - they come and go...sometimes they itch, sometimes they are just there and are annoying and do nothing.
8. Allergic reactions are intense and don't go away quickly - this one annoys me a bunch. I love to work in my garden, but I don't like wearing long sleeves. I wear my gloves and I'm careful, but stuff still touches my arms (and legs). Cue allergic reaction (I'm allergic to every type of grass that exists and I'm sure most of the weeds I'm pulling up). I itch and itch and itch and it doesn't go away.
9. Gold bond powder and cortisol 10 are your friends - thankfully, gold bond helps with random rashes and cortisol 10 helps with allergic reactions. Thank you!!!
10. Emotions run wild and there is no controlling them - for example, after a long day I get home and open my water bottle for a sip. It's the type of water bottle that has a straw in it and a flip top. I open it up and water shoots out all over me. I cry. That's right, I cried over spilled WATER! Not only that, but I cried because I was crying. It was so stupid yet I couldn't stop and it became a feedback loop. My husband teased me and then he opened the water bottle and he got sprayed. That made me feel better :)
11. Boredom - I get bored really easily. Things that I used to enjoy to relax (like watching TV) I really have little interest in. Luckily I still enjoy knitting so I'm working on a baby blanket (in the middle of summer).
12. I miss beer - really just beer, sometimes wine, and sometimes I really want a sandwich...but mostly it's beer. 
13. Comments and touching - it's real. People touch my belly all the time, and it's not a big belly yet! I also get lots of comments, some good, some not as good, but they exist.

Please don't get me wrong, I am very fortunate to be pregnant and am enjoying it. Feeling him kick and move around inside is a really cool thing to experience. I just couldn't believe some of these "side effects". I knew I'd be tired, but didn't think I would be the entire pregnancy. I knew that my body would change but I didn't think it would be to some of the extremes that it is. I know it'll all be worth it, just wanted to went I suppose.

Can't do what I used to

I'm feeling frustrated. I can't do all the things in a day that I used to. For example I used to be able to weed the entire garden in one day, now I need 2-3 days to get it all done. Of course I don't think I was this diligent last year since I didn't know what I was doing.

Another example, after cleaning the house, I need to lay down. I feel frustrated because we are just at the halfway point of this pregnancy and if I'm already needing to slow down, what am I going to be like at the end?

I suppose it's a good thing that I can listen to my body and know, but it also makes me really wonder how some women don't know that they're pregnant.

Other than that frustration everything is good as gravy :)

New rules...pregnancy edition

New rules for myself that I have learned in the past 18-20 hours or so.

1. When gardening I must wear gloves. If I do not wear gloves, my arms will swell up and my legs get super splotchy and a little swollen.
2. When I get a bug bite, I swell up much faster.
3. When reading work email in the morning, step away after the first one irritates you. By reading all of the irritating emails at once, I was ready to go home by 8:22am. If I had spaced them out, maybe walked away for a moment, I don't think it would have made me as irritated.
4. When going for a walk, bring water. I got so thirsty on the walk and downed 2 glasses when I was done.
5. When going for a walk, at work, during lunch bring a change of clothes and a washcloth and deodorant. I was so sweaty and got super red on the walk, even though most of it was in the shade.
6. Whenever going outside for more than 10 minutes, wear sunscreen. Again, I got super red, though some of it is going down, it's not all going away.

It's difficult to accept these changes. They may seem really small, and they are, but they keep piling up. I knew that pregnancy (and having a child) was going to change me. I knew that I would need to slow down and let go. I guess I just didn't realize how quickly I would have to start adapting to these new behaviors and routines.

Adapting to new workouts

I'm 16 weeks pregnant today (yay) and my body is changing rapidly. I won't go into those boring details since there are about 50 million books, blogs and websites to discuss that. I will talk about how difficult it can be to adapting to a new workout.

Since I moved to Chicago in 2003 I have been a runner. It started in August of 2003 in terms of any sort of consistency. I've taken breaks here and there, but usually would still fit in a run here or there. I tried sticking with running for my pregnancy, but in the beginning was told maybe not to. I switched to elliptical and kept up with cycling and yoga (in the beginning). After about 8 weeks I added back in some jogging. I kept my heart rate under 150 (supposed to be 140 oh well). But over the past week or so, it just doesn't feel right. I don't know if it's because of my bump or because my TicTac is now the size of an avocado or what else it could be...I only know that jogging doesn't feel right. It made me a little sad, but I will have to adjust.

I know that some people run through their entire pregnancy, and great for them! I will not be among that group of people. I will be among the thousands who walk a bunch. Especially in the summer, I can see myself doing a bunch of walks. I do need to increase my yoga though, at least do it 1-2 times a week. I'd like to try this new yoga studio that has prenatal yoga, but right now I'm good with my DVD at home.

I miss the studio I was going to, but my balance is already pretty off and I don't feel comfortable with my belly and my balance so not going there until post baby.

It's just hard that I'm already making so many changes and we're only 16 weeks pregnant. I was thinking earlier today about how I get so much done around the house on my late days (I work 11-7:30 one day a week) but the rest of the week (8-4:30) I come home and relax typically. Of course I should be taking advantage of that for the time being since that will be changing in about 24 weeks.

Holy cow, 24 weeks...that's it!

So yes, I guess it's time to just accept that things are going to be changing, and it's ok, with my workouts I just need to stay active, that's the key :)

All the things I have to do

It hit me today that there are a number of things that I (we) need to get working on that I didn't even consider! I was so excited about us getting pregnant that I haven't been doing too much forward thinking, which is odd because I'm a type-o obsessive type person, my husband has been rubbing off on me.

Last night while at a work event for my husband, one of his co-workers and I were chatting. She is a month ahead of us in this whole pregnancy thing. She is going to do a walk-thru of a daycare next week! This got me doing some research today and some places say you should start your search once you find out you're pregnant.

So we're behind the ball there. I did some research and it's hard to do research on day cares in your area! At least my normal methods (google and yelp) gave limited results. I'm trying to read up on the few in my area and there really is nothing I can do. There are two with websites, but one of those websites doesn't really have much information.

No where are prices or ranges listed. One place had testimonials. I have lots of phone numbers, that's what I have. I guess I'm going to have to call (what?) and talk with these people and setup visits and get referrals and call the referrals! I hadn't realized how lazy I had become and how much I don't like interacting with strangers (outside of work). It's scary though because I'm going to give my 10-12 week old child to this person and trust that they will be good to my child while I'm at work! I don't like the way that this is making me feel right now.

Moving on...furniture buying, we need to get on that, at least get on the narrowing it down list. We should order it by week 20...well I'm 15.5 weeks right now and we just started doing some online research. Looks like the next couple of weeks will involve going to look at furniture. But first we need to measure...and clean out the room that will become the nursery.

Another things to research...car seats. Who knows when I'm supposed to work on that part.

Oh and then there's putting together a registry if someone throws me a shower or if someone just wants to send us a gift. The shower thing is a sore subject for me right now...not going to go there!

It appears for a Friday afternoon I am quite cranky. Maybe it's because I'm scared and overwhelmed. I'm going to blare some Offspring while at the office for the last hour and hope that smacks it out of me.

Music festivals - the preparation

I go to two large music festivals a year, Lollapalooza and Riot Fest. Both are held in Chicago, one in August the other in September. I love going to music fests, they are awesome, intense, overwhelming but fun.

There is tons of preparation that goes into attending a music festival and I'm here to discuss some of that. (I can only imagine what goes into putting one together, but luckily I don't).

Getting tickets:
These two festivals are currently very different in how you obtain tickets. For Lolla you watch Facebook/Twitter/Website to see when the tickets will go on sale. There used to be a "secret sale" in which we got tickets one time at the low, low price. Now, tickets sell out within an hour of going on sale. I have tons of opinions regarding this, but I will not express them in this blog at this time (I've expressed it plenty to the lolla people via Facebook and Twitter). Tickets go on sale prior to the line up being announced, so you're buying tickets without knowing who you are going to see.

Riot Fest is much more laid back. You can buy your tickets stupid early (Black Friday) for super cheap. Then they stay off of the market until about May when they release the line up and tickets go back on sale. Here you have the option of waiting until the line up is released to purchase regularly priced tickets.

The schedule:
After the line up is released, the schedule comes out. For lolla they give you a bit more time than Riot Fest does. Lolla released the schedule today (May 15, 2014) for the fest that begins August 1. The initial time you look at the schedule there is tons of excitement and frustration. I always have one day where I need to be there at noon...and sometimes my next band isn't until 4pm...but always one day at noon. We are typically there until 10pm at night so we have two meals there and use the port-o-potties numerous amounts of times. After the initial review of the schedule, you have a couple of months to start to listen to all of the other bands on the schedule that you had no clue who they were. This then creates a multitude of conflicts because you want to be in two or three places at once OR one band ends at 3:15 at the north end and the other band starts at 3:15 on the south end. It's a mile between the two places...with 100,000 people in between.

Riot Fest (last year) had some issues releasing the schedule and I believe we had approximately a week to review the schedule and plan. I'm hoping this year they don't have those issues. Here, the area is not nearly as big nor are there as many people, that is up until the evening performance where if you didn't setup a picnic spot you aren't getting into the sea of people. Since there are only 3 stages (well sometimes 4) there are not nearly the number of conflicts here, and the stages are closer together so you don't have that issue. Plus if there is a large amount of time in between sets of bands you do want to hear, there is a carnival!

The bag:
Water, water, frozen water, frozen water, sunscreen, hat, bandana, poop bags, baby wipes, hand sanitizer, camera (though now I think we pretty much just use our phones), copy of schedule.

Transportation:
This is where it all depends on where you live. In the city? CTA baby! In the suburbs: drive to a CTA stop and pay to park there for the day and take the CTA into the city; take the Metra (commuter train) into the city; drive and park downtown; stay at a hotel downtown; pay for a car to bring you and pick you up.

For Riot Fest we drove last year and parked about a mile away, no biggie. For Lolla we'll be driving this year (I'll be 6 months pregnant) and I'm a little bit nervous about that. It's still cheaper than getting a hotel room. If we were drinking, we would have done the hotel room this year I think.

At the fest:
Wear comfortable shoes and clothing and drink lots of water. Yes you will need to use the port-o a little bit more, but you will be better off for the entire weekend if you drink lots of water. No one wants to go to a 3-day music festival hungover...especially when it's in August! Riot Fest isn't as bad but still drink lots of water. Keep checking your schedule, you don't want to miss anything!

Recovery:
Each night, eat something when you get home and drink more water. Sleep! Take the next day off to sleep if at all possible.

This year specifically:
The Riot Fest line up came out the other day, and now I'm way more excited about that than Lolla (even though I'll be 7.5 months pregnant at that one). Looking at the Lolla line up and schedule I'm more "meh" about two of the days than I would have liked. The good news is, I have time to learn more of these bands and start to like more and want to see more.

Yes, I am starting to feel old, but at least Riot Fest tips their hat to me on that and gives me my old music mixed with my new stuff.

Sensitive

I've always been a really sensitive person and have a habit of taking things way too personally. I've worked on that for a good portion of my life. I've also never really been one to be able to let go. I think about things, ok obsess about things, and have a very difficult time letting go. What's worse is even thing that I thought I've let go of will come back to haunt me.

I bring it up because in my current state things are even worse! I'm getting very upset over the littlest things and then worrying and obsessing about them for extended periods of time.

Example, and she may read this blog so I won't use the name. I have a friend who is mostly an online friend (we've met face-to-face twice)...I'd consider her like an old school pen pal. We've "known" each other for about 8 years I'd say. She invited me to her wedding. When I found out that I was pregnant I told her I wasn't going to be able to make it (she lives in a completely different state) but told her she would still get an awesome gift. Well yesterday the line up for a music festival was announced and I shared my excited on Facebook (the downfall of the modern era). In my head that festival was not the same weekend as her wedding but it was. She commented on my post about how she would love to be there but she's getting married. I, still thinking her wedding was the following weekend, stated as such. She responded that nope, that's her wedding weekend...I apologized both in public and a message. I've gotten no response. I even apologized again this morning, nothing.

I'm really upset about this. I'm upset that I may have upset/offended her. I'm upset that she's not responding to me. I'm upset that she may be upset at me for going to this music festival instead of her wedding. I already stated I wasn't going to make it to the wedding (8 hour drive away and less than 2 months before my due date). The music festival is 20 minutes away, and we've had tickets since before I found out I was pregnant.

This is a prime example of how a possible misunderstanding, and possibly no one is upset, has turned into me getting super upset about different aspects of things.

What's interesting is that I used to do this with one of my previous friends too. The difference was that friend would totally play into my sensitivity and take advantage.

So now that I've written this out, time to process how to let go. I'd love feedback too on the entire letting go process.

Logic - You already said you weren't going; you'll be 7.5 months pregnant; you don't know if you've really upset anyone; maybe it's because you doubted the date and oh well, you called yourself out on that one already; it's really not a big deal so just forget about it; you can't control the behavior of others.

See it really always comes down to the "you can't control the behavior of others". As a counselor I know this, I teach this, I work with my students on this. Why is it such a difficult concept for me to master within myself? I cannot control the behavior of others I can only control my response to their behavior. So in this instance, "you're upset that I now have 2 reasons I can't go to your wedding? I'm sorry that you feel that way"...and move on!!! *sigh*

Looking on the outside in, I can be really annoying with this stuff, my goodness...just move on...this really does not impact your day to day life...you've already acknowledged you made a mistake and apologized...there's nothing else you can do (unless you want to go the 8 hours away in a few months and give up this other event).

15 weeks, Eek!

I'm 15 weeks pregnant! Eek!

Last night my husband said, "we're going to be parents" my response was a rather freaked out, "yup". Funny how from moment to moment that feeling changes from total freak out to total excitement.

This morning I've been experiencing new pressure. Not pain, not flutters, just pressure. Since Tic-Tac is the size of an orange and my uterus is much larger, it's no wonder I'm feeling pressure.

I've decided that I need to walk more, and I don't think I'll be running much longer. I love being outside and I love to run, but I feel like I'm running slower than I walk there days. I can walk a 15 minute mile, but feel like I'm running at 16 minutes...so walking it is. Plus, while I walk slower with the puppies, they love going for long walks, so we will just go for walks in the woods in addition to around the neighborhood.

Another thing that's exciting, is that I have something the size of an orange growing inside of me. Yup, we're reached orange size, it's crazy! No wonder I have a little bump, I've got a full orange in there :)

Impatience and stupidity, a correlation?

This morning on my drive into work I had some observations and potential realizations. The more impatient we are I believe the more stupid things we do. Especially while driving. Thinking back to Monday I believe that I was guilty of this as well...but I'll return to that new thought.

On my drive into work I have to cross a railroad crossing. It's a very active RR crossing since the commuter train and freight trains use the line. Luckily I rarely hit a freight train on my way into work, but on the way home is another story (and was Monday). This morning the commuter train had just gone past so there was not going to be another train for a few minutes. There was a car in front of me and a bus in front of the car. As the bus approached the train crossing, the hazards went on...the driver of the car in front of me kind of began a mini freak out and tried to get around the bus (two lane road) but couldn't since it's a busy Thursday morning. She began to inch her way over and, of course, the bus was done with the check. The driver then over corrects back into the lane she was in and can't decide where to go. The bus then changes lanes making it easier for the car to decide to stay in the lane in front of me...to which she blocks an intersection with a big sign saying not to block said intersection.

The rest of the drive to work was normal, no more stupid things observed, but it made me think about how when we are impatient we tend to do things that are kind of stupid. Doesn't everyone know that a bus will stop at a RR crossing, open it's doors, then continue on? I can't be alone on thinking that's common knowledge. As for the blocking of the intersection, I can understand ignoring the sign when there are no cars waiting to come out, I think I was just highly aware of this car's behavior.

As for my own example from Monday night. Same RR crossing but headed home, the lights started and I considered going quickly over the RR tracks but thought better of it. I hoped it was a commuter train, but looked to my right and there was a freight train. I quickly turned off of the road I was on and onto the service road next to the tracks, thinking if I go one block I could out run the train. I missed a stop sign :( I saw it too late, slammed on my breaks but I was already through it. Then in the other direction was a commuter train! So I had to go further down, which is fine since I live in that direction, it's just a different way to go home than I usually do. So I go as far west as I typically go, head north and hit a stop light right before the tracks! "Come on, turn green, turn green, turn green" I get over the tracks and continue to look back for about a half a mile, and the RR lights don't come on. Either I successfully outran the freight train, or the train was just stopped by where I was and the lights came on for the commuter train.

I was do impatient that I missed a stop sign and couldn't wait to see if we were waiting for a freight train or a commuter train. It's possible that I could have actually gotten home faster if I had just waited a minute longer.

I find that I'm becoming much more patient with things and slowing down a bit (for me, still way too fast for many people). I am trying to be more zen too...but when you've worked a long day and you leave late and you hit a stopping point and you want dinner...yes I could see having some stupidity due to impatience. But first thing in the morning???

Clothing

So I'm in the 2nd trimester (yay) officially and everything. 14 weeks preggo today. I was able to run faster and further today so you know that things are getting better (even if it was just a 13:30 pace).

I've read a bunch about how in your first pregnancy you don't really start to show until 20+ weeks, yet your regular clothes stop fitting by week 12 (on average because no two pregnancy are the same, blah, blah, blah).

My body is not liking regular clothes nor is it really liking maternity pants. The tops rock and I'm loving them (except the ones with all the ties on it...more on that to come). The bottoms are too big but I had to wear them today because none of my other pants fit right. So I'm already at elastic pant land. I'm ok with this because it means my baby is growing, but I am not a fan of so many books/websites/communities/blogs saying I'm not really showing it's bloat or something else. No, I'm showing. Except when I took a comparison picture from when we first found out at 4 weeks to now, it really doesn't look like I'm showing in the picture, but I feel like I'm showing and I feel like I look preggo. Maybe it is a state of mind sometimes.

Now as for the shirts and some of the dresses, they are made to show off your belly. Now yes, I am happy to be pregnant and excited to show off the belly when there really is something to show off. Right now, in this in between mode though, it's difficult...I just feel like I'm showing off fat not baby. As someone who has struggled with her weight my entire life, it's difficult to think that I'm going to show off a belly. I need to learn to take pride in this, and I'm thinking in a few more weeks I will because it will be more obvious that I'm pregnant. For now though, it's just odd. So the dresses are stretchy but tight, it's weird. And the shirts, they have these ties on them so that you can make it more fitted to show off the belly (and huge boobs). So today I turned the ties around to tie in the back but I have huge boobs. One of my new bras is already too small (I started off a 36C, my 38D is too small, luckily I have on 38D that's more like a 38DD) Oh and speaking of bras, ladies who normally have 38DD+ I'm so sorry that bra shopping sucks so badly! I wanted one without underwire and I couldn't find any! That's why I got the 38D that felt like a DD (translation for men, big boobies and bigger boobies). I suppose I can go online to buy a new bra there.

Last rant about maternity clothes, jeans. I tried on 6 different pairs of jeans on Saturday and NONE of them fit. Way too tight on my thighs, and this was at a company I normally buy my jeans at. I was so sad and even told my husband that it didn't look like I'd be getting any maternity jeans, he reminded me I went to one store. Still super sad :(

Oh and bathing suits...I'm debating about getting one. I kind of need one for the end of this month (I'll be 17 weeks when I need one) and potentially might go to the beach this summer, but I didn't last summer. I'd like to go swimming when the pool at work opens too, but who knows when that will happen. What do you think? Get a maternity bathing suit of just wear old clothes for kayaking and canoeing this summer?

Exhaustion

It's funny, I want to workout and when I do I have more energy, but I'm so exhausted all the time it's difficult to get motivated to workout.

Working out currently has a different meaning. A workout before would be a run, now it's a slow jog or the elliptical. Of course I still do yoga but even that has changed. My balance is already off a bit and I don't feel comfortable going to the classes that I used to go to, so I'm staying at home for my yoga. For the elliptical I love that on my lunch when I have the time and energy to do it. "Running" is so slow now. My heartrate is supposed to stay below 140...I keep it below 150 on runs right now. It's difficult (when running with my dogs) to keep it below 140. I try really hard though.

I feel so lazy, and I don't like feeling lazy. I'm really hoping that in the next week or two this "2nd trimester" energy emerges so that I can do more...like go plant my veggies in my garden. Of course, the fact that it was only in the 40s yesterday may have more to do with why I haven't planted things vs. the lack of energy thing.

At least the internet and work know about my pregnancy now so I don't need to fake it and I can just be open and honest about being exhausted!

Cat is out of the bag

I finally got to post all of those blog posts I've "saved".

That's right, we are having a baby!

It's a very exciting time, and I've had lots of scares and ups and downs and we're only 1/3 of the way through! At least we are in the safe zone now.

I really don't understand how people don't "know" that they're pregnant until they give birth. My breasts have gone up 2.5 sizes, I'm exhausted all the time, nauseous, moody and just feel off a bunch of the time. I really don't know how you wouldn't know.

Yes I realize every pregnancy is different, but you really would think something would be noticed.

Anyway, I shared some really personal stuff in some of the other posts, but here is the official announcement, so yay!

Morning sickness followed by hungry food monster

For the past couple of weeks I have had moderate morning sickness. I rarely get the relief of throwing up, I just have constant nausea. In the morning it's bad because I wait too long to eat. I know this, yet I haven't changed my pattern. I get up, shower, get dressed, take the dogs for a walk, get lunch ready, then eat breakfast. What I should do is: get up, eat a cookie (Tate's Gluten Free Ginger Zinger to be exact), shower, etc. Yesterday though on my drive home, I smelled food and needed food. I wanted to eat everything! So instead of having a healthy dinner, I caved and we had wings and gf pizza...and I ate and ate and ate (5 wings and 1/4 of a pizza). I was so happy to be eating.

I also had some of my Ben & Jerry's...they are wonderful (I actually met them and they are very nice) they created these "core" ice creams, and Peanut Butter Fudge Core is for me a pregnant girls dream come true!

A moment of relief and I took full advantage of it. Of course that morning I had weighed myself (I was feeling fat) and saw I was about the same weight or possibly lost a pound or two...so I allowed the indulgence. Amazing what cutting out wine does to a person *lol*

Anyway, aside from the morning sickness (that is worse in the evening for me) I had been having a hard time sleeping. I'm a little better the past two days, but I still don't make it the entire night. Between that "I have to pee" middle of the night wake up, being too hot or too cold, not getting comfortable, and cramps/pressure in my belly I just can't sleep. Sometimes I wake up and I don't know why either. I'm working on it though.

Earlier this week (March 18) I got to see the little tic tac again. He/She had grown so much in a week! This time the size of a cooked piece of rice and you could see the shape of a head and a bottom...and the egg sac. I can't believe how quickly things happen. The heartbeat also was up to 139 which is exactly where it should be...so yay!!!

I go back to the fertility center two more times next week. Monday for another ultrasound and blood work (still on progesterone supplements) and Thursday for my exit interview with the doctor. Then the following Monday (31) it's off to see the OB. I'm going to see if I can use both an OB and a midwife because I really want a midwife to be involved. I feel as though they understand differently. I'm weird I know.

I can't wait to post these blogs...a few more weeks before the world gets to know though. As of today I am 7 and a half weeks (7 weeks 4 days or 7W4D).


(Originally written: March 21, 2014)

"morning" sickness

Oh dear gawd! I am one of the lucky women who has the nausea off and on all day most days. It started early, like around week 6, and it did go away week 8 or so but slowly starting coming back and during week 10 (this week) it's been a huge biotch! I've only gotten sick a couple of times, it's just that constant "I wanna throw up" feeling...which makes it hard to eat but eating is one of the only things that can stop it...such a pitiful thing. Also, it's not a "morning" thing.

Exhaustion is another thing that you hear about but I didn't really think it would hit me...oh it does. Some days I worry about driving home after work because I'm so exhausted. When I'm able to get a workout in before 3pm I'm usually pretty good. If I don't, I won't work out and I will need a nap. I love working out, but sometimes I just can't do it.

Ok enough venting about early pregnancy woos, I'm so happy to have them. After everything we've gone through to get to this point, I am venting but not complaining.

Today is going to be amazing, 65 and sunny, and it's Friday!!!

Initial written on April 11, 2014

Bah! Spotting and pressure and freak out!!! 11 weeks!

Last week I had a little bit of pink spotting. I freaked, called the doctor's office, they said it was normal.

Yesterday I had brown spotting, wasn't too worried because it went away quickly. This morning I had brown spotting again, and freak out happened. Then an emotional freak out at work where I accidentally told my boss I'm pregnant (I was planning on telling her next week, but still).

I called the doctor's office, missed my call back, called again, and finally got a call back in the middle of the afternoon. The theory as to why I'm having morning brown spotting? A full bladder! I don't always get out of bed in the middle of the night to go pee, so I have a super full bladder when I wake up in the morning. The bladder is pushing on my uterus, causing irritation, causing spotting!

The pressure I was starting to feel in my abdomen area is because, well, I'm pregnant. I'm starting to get more full down there so there's going to be pressure down there.

I'm so much better when I have an understanding as to why something might be happening.

Add to that I'm extremely emotional today, says my hormones are totally out of whack.

So yay, random pregnant stuff.

I'm really hoping that my blogging about this stuff will eventually help others. It's super frustrating when googling stuff to get all of the scary situations or just the people asking questions, but no one really saying "yes, this happened and everything is cool". So here you go, this happened, and everything is cool :)

Written on: April 16, 2014

Update - everything is totally fine. It's NORMAL to have some discharge/spotting. The internet needs to post more things about what's NORMAL so that everyone stops freaking out about every little thing. I've posted in plenty of discussion boards about this, and now hoping that this will help some people. I'm now 13w2d and everything is awesome.

1st time IUI - success

I realized that I kept looking for success stories from people who had a Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and I didn't really find many stories. There were a couple of posts in the chat forums but I found it difficult to find a real story.

Here is a real story of a first attempt at an IUI that we went natural with.

January 28, 2014 we had an appointment for a consultation for fertility help. We had tried for a year, and nothing. My husband and I both had a plethora of tests done to which we were told, it could be a few things...you're borderline so we'll call it unexplained infertility.

That's right...there's something going on, but we're not sure, so let's call it unexplained.

January 28, 2014 was cycle day 1 (CD1) so the doctor didn't want to start me on any medication since we were just going in for a consultation. After meeting with the doctor, discussing the different options, we had a mountain of paperwork to sign. We weren't even sure if we were going to start treatment/help right away, but when they have you there, both of you there, you just sign a bunch of papers.

We were told that we could do a natural cycle for that month, no drugs, no ultrasounds, nothing really extra...just start peeing on an Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) around CD10 and once it turns, call them. I was like clockwork and on CD13 I got a positive. It was a Sunday and the center was closed so on CD14 we called first thing in the morning. At 9am we were at the center and my husband went into a room and did what he needed to do. An hour later we were in a room with a nurse with the processed baby making juice. We had 32.7 million swimmers and after they jumped into the pool (or were forced in I should say), we hung out for about 20 minutes. We were told to have some fun the next morning as well just to add to the numbers.

One week later I went in for bloodwork and my progesterone was around 9.4. They said that for natural that wasn't bad, but they wanted to put me on progesterone to increase the likelihood of a sticky bean. Let me tell you how not fun progesterone suppositories are. Twice a day...it gave me killer PMS...or perhaps it was the fact that I had a blastocyte bouncing around that gave me killer PMS or the embryo that decided to implant that gave me killer PMS. Regardless, killer...super moody, crampy, crying, sore and big boobies...but then it happened...CD28.

On February 24 I pee'd on a stick and I thought that there was a very faint second line. My husband said it might be there but not to get my hopes up. I decided I would call the center and go in for a bloodtest. Only I couldn't wait until they opened and I pee'd on a different stick and that one there was a positive...I couldn't believe it! I texted my husband and he told me to still call the center and get confirmation from the doctor before we got too excited. I went and at 3:30pm I got the call...I was pregnant! HCG was at 65 and progesterone up to 21. I had to go back on CD30 (February 26)...went in there and the HCG went up to 138 and progesterone up to 26.2. I had to go back on CD32 (February 28) and my HCG went to 325 (progesterone went back down to 21.6 but doctor wasn't worried).

So there you have it...you can have a natural IUI, first attempt, and it can work. Now I'm waiting until Week 6 Day 1 to have our first ultrasound (March 11)...this one is done at the fertility center...my first official OB appointment is March 31 when I will be 9 weeks...of course this blog post won't get posted until after that, so there may be a few updates made to this initial post, but overall that's the scoop. So yes ladies, it can happen :)

(Originally written: March 3, 2014)

Icky

I hate being sick. It doesn't happen very often but I'm a huge baby when it does happen. I caught something a little earlier in the winter (maybe in December) but I've held my own all winter long and didn't really get sick. That is until today.

It's technically spring so I technically didn't get sick this winter. Of course it's 35 and raining outside so it doesn't seem very spring like. What is it about getting sick that sucks so much? It's our body saying, "slow down, sleep, relax" why is it so hard to listen? Why do we always have to be on the go? I'm terrible at that. I try really hard to take time for me to relax and to sleep, but it doesn't always work for me.

This morning I told myself that I had to go to work. I had to work a half day. I had 3 appointments this morning and some work to get done, so I could go in until noon and be ok. Well it's 10:30am and I'm wondering why I "forced" myself to do that. I tell myself a bunch of the time that I'll "feel better" once I get out of the house, that maybe I just don't want to go to work...but this time I'm sick. I'm sick and I'm stuck at work for another hour and a half...and I'm being a baby about it because I'm sick.

Spring sick I think is worse than winter sick. Everyone expects you to get sick in the winter, during the spring they think it's a lie. Even on a cold and rainy day (they think you just want to cuddle on the couch and read...which yes I do...after I nap).

Ugh, stoopid being sick.