Nerves

I'm starting to get really nervous about all sorts of unknown (and uncontrollable) things. I am 99% sure that this is a normal part of pregnancy, but wanted to write about it anyway.

My due date is 5 weeks away from today. 5 weeks away...35 days...holy cow, 35 days away. I realize that he can really come at any point between now and then (and a few days later) but still...35 days away.

I'm nervous about labor, which is funny because a week or two ago I told my husband I wasn't. I know it's going to hurt, but I know it's temporary. Of course, as my baby has less and less room, and I experience these fun "practice" contractions more and more, I'm becoming nervous about labor.

I'm nervous about delivery...so much can go right, wrong, unknown!

I'm nervous about the weather and about traffic. It's Chicago, I realize that there is always going to be traffic, I'm just nervous about it. Weather at the end of October/beginning of November can be anything too.

I realize I have NO CONTROL over any of the things I'm nervous about. I think that's why I'm nervous about these things...no control. I realize I am about to enter this next stage of my life where I have no control. It's terrifying!

I'm nervous about my dogs, even though I know I don't need to be. I need to be aware but not nervous. I'm nervous about my recovery, what if I can't leave the upstairs of my house for a week or two due to delivery complications?

What if I don't know I'm in labor? What if I go too early or wait too long? What then?

So many things to obsess and be nervous over, it's insane. I keep trying to do little things here and there to set my mind at ease, but it's not working anymore. Plus the exhaustion is just overwhelming...but I still try. Yesterday we went to the Farmers Market, made chili and an apple pie, and put up Halloween decorations...I just laid down in between those things.

Today, I will work all day, swim, and hopefully put away some of the baby's clothes. Tomorrow I will work on packing my bag (which is another holy crap moment). My husband needs to pack his own bag...and I need to remember to pack stuff for the baby in my bag. Oh and installing the car seat, but that's my husband's job.

Again, all scary things...all things that I'm starting to ask, "what did we get ourselves into"...but I know that it will all be alright in the end...I mean come on, Weezer's new album is even called, "Everything Will Be Alright In The End" that's a sign right?