Sensitive

I've always been a really sensitive person and have a habit of taking things way too personally. I've worked on that for a good portion of my life. I've also never really been one to be able to let go. I think about things, ok obsess about things, and have a very difficult time letting go. What's worse is even thing that I thought I've let go of will come back to haunt me.

I bring it up because in my current state things are even worse! I'm getting very upset over the littlest things and then worrying and obsessing about them for extended periods of time.

Example, and she may read this blog so I won't use the name. I have a friend who is mostly an online friend (we've met face-to-face twice)...I'd consider her like an old school pen pal. We've "known" each other for about 8 years I'd say. She invited me to her wedding. When I found out that I was pregnant I told her I wasn't going to be able to make it (she lives in a completely different state) but told her she would still get an awesome gift. Well yesterday the line up for a music festival was announced and I shared my excited on Facebook (the downfall of the modern era). In my head that festival was not the same weekend as her wedding but it was. She commented on my post about how she would love to be there but she's getting married. I, still thinking her wedding was the following weekend, stated as such. She responded that nope, that's her wedding weekend...I apologized both in public and a message. I've gotten no response. I even apologized again this morning, nothing.

I'm really upset about this. I'm upset that I may have upset/offended her. I'm upset that she's not responding to me. I'm upset that she may be upset at me for going to this music festival instead of her wedding. I already stated I wasn't going to make it to the wedding (8 hour drive away and less than 2 months before my due date). The music festival is 20 minutes away, and we've had tickets since before I found out I was pregnant.

This is a prime example of how a possible misunderstanding, and possibly no one is upset, has turned into me getting super upset about different aspects of things.

What's interesting is that I used to do this with one of my previous friends too. The difference was that friend would totally play into my sensitivity and take advantage.

So now that I've written this out, time to process how to let go. I'd love feedback too on the entire letting go process.

Logic - You already said you weren't going; you'll be 7.5 months pregnant; you don't know if you've really upset anyone; maybe it's because you doubted the date and oh well, you called yourself out on that one already; it's really not a big deal so just forget about it; you can't control the behavior of others.

See it really always comes down to the "you can't control the behavior of others". As a counselor I know this, I teach this, I work with my students on this. Why is it such a difficult concept for me to master within myself? I cannot control the behavior of others I can only control my response to their behavior. So in this instance, "you're upset that I now have 2 reasons I can't go to your wedding? I'm sorry that you feel that way"...and move on!!! *sigh*

Looking on the outside in, I can be really annoying with this stuff, my goodness...just move on...this really does not impact your day to day life...you've already acknowledged you made a mistake and apologized...there's nothing else you can do (unless you want to go the 8 hours away in a few months and give up this other event).