Monday, September 29, 2014

Nerves

I'm starting to get really nervous about all sorts of unknown (and uncontrollable) things. I am 99% sure that this is a normal part of pregnancy, but wanted to write about it anyway.

My due date is 5 weeks away from today. 5 weeks away...35 days...holy cow, 35 days away. I realize that he can really come at any point between now and then (and a few days later) but still...35 days away.

I'm nervous about labor, which is funny because a week or two ago I told my husband I wasn't. I know it's going to hurt, but I know it's temporary. Of course, as my baby has less and less room, and I experience these fun "practice" contractions more and more, I'm becoming nervous about labor.

I'm nervous about delivery...so much can go right, wrong, unknown!

I'm nervous about the weather and about traffic. It's Chicago, I realize that there is always going to be traffic, I'm just nervous about it. Weather at the end of October/beginning of November can be anything too.

I realize I have NO CONTROL over any of the things I'm nervous about. I think that's why I'm nervous about these things...no control. I realize I am about to enter this next stage of my life where I have no control. It's terrifying!

I'm nervous about my dogs, even though I know I don't need to be. I need to be aware but not nervous. I'm nervous about my recovery, what if I can't leave the upstairs of my house for a week or two due to delivery complications?

What if I don't know I'm in labor? What if I go too early or wait too long? What then?

So many things to obsess and be nervous over, it's insane. I keep trying to do little things here and there to set my mind at ease, but it's not working anymore. Plus the exhaustion is just overwhelming...but I still try. Yesterday we went to the Farmers Market, made chili and an apple pie, and put up Halloween decorations...I just laid down in between those things.

Today, I will work all day, swim, and hopefully put away some of the baby's clothes. Tomorrow I will work on packing my bag (which is another holy crap moment). My husband needs to pack his own bag...and I need to remember to pack stuff for the baby in my bag. Oh and installing the car seat, but that's my husband's job.

Again, all scary things...all things that I'm starting to ask, "what did we get ourselves into"...but I know that it will all be alright in the end...I mean come on, Weezer's new album is even called, "Everything Will Be Alright In The End" that's a sign right?

Saturday, September 27, 2014

(Almost) 35 weeks and counting

So this is where the bloating and the irritability and the beginning of lack of sleep kicks in. I have very little fuse and it's noticeable. I try really hard!

For example, someone just told me, "wow, you really are bloated" in regards to my feet. Yes I know. That didn't bother me too much. The comment that another person made did, "are you trying to avoid salt?" really? That's your question to me? I'm 35 weeks pregnant...I'm trying to avoid anything and everything that could potentially make me feel worse...and do you honestly think that SALT is my problem?

I'm also really irritated because I am at work today when I really shouldn't have to have been...and the event was in direct sunlight...so after 2 hours I was sent inside because I was beat red and had trouble breathing...and after an hour inside I'm feeling sick. But do I get to go home? Nope...need to stick it out at least another hour.

Oh well :(

Overall this pregnancy has been great...I'm in the home stretch...this lil man needs to bake a little bit longer.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Frazzled

I had an odd incident happen this morning as I was leaving my house and it's left me a bit frazzled.

I was backing out of my driveway, slowly. I had a bit of condensation on my car and the sun was directly behind me so it was a bit difficult to see out my back window. As always I checked for people on the sidewalk...nothing. I checked for a car on the street...nothing. All of the sudden, boom. I had backed into someone who had pulled into my driveway.

I got out and checked that he was ok and that I was ok and that the cars were ok. They all were since I was going maybe 5 mph but more like 2 mph.

What has me more frazzled was the other drivers reaction. Totally on the defensive that he had just delivered a paper across the street and was using my driveway to turn around. In the moment I was fine with it, but now I'm kind of pissed about this entire thing. It's fine that you use my driveway, but when you see that I'm backing up out of my driveway, maybe don't use my driveway, or maybe wait until I'm done backing up out of my driveway. My guess is that he didn't see that I was backing up because when he finished his turning around he gunned it down the street (it's a 25mph zone and he was gone so fast he had to be going 35/40).

Now yes, I'm super sensitive right now, and I yelled in the car when it happened because it shocked me (he came out of no where) and my belly tightened a bit (fight or flight of course) but really why was that guy so defensive and did he even see me? That's more concerning to me right now.

Of course I'm also worried about my driving skills now...am I too pregnant to drive? Too much doubt comes to mind :(

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

31 weeks and counting

Hello everyone,

As usual, I took a summer vacation from blogging...mostly because I'm too busy at work and too tired when I get home.

Baby news is he is still cooking (yes a he)...I failed the one hour glucose test which was bad but passed the three hour test which is no fun at all, but I passed. I had friends telling me in the middle of the three hour test that I can deny it...why would you tell me that after I've already started the dang thing???

So here are some new observations since I left you all.
- People see you as pregnant and feel they can say anything they want to you.
- Showing that you're pregnant makes people feel they can touch you
- My friends and people I wouldn't mind touching my belly are the ones who are most likely to not touch my belly...it's the strangers who feel that they have the right to
- People love to tell horror stories (either their own or ones that they have heard)
- People love to tell you what to do and how to do it in regards to all things pregnancy, baby and raising a child
- Overweight people love to tell you how HUGE you look when you're pregnant
- People do seem to be more understanding of brain farts when you're pregnant
- People do seem to smile at you more when you're pregnant
- People still do not move out of the way and will bump into you

I think that the worst thing was a very large woman asking me how far along I was, I responded about 6 months and she said, "no you're not, you are way too large to only be 6 months pregnant"...that was the worst one. She was larger than me and just wanted to insult someone else I'm guessing. In the same regard though, the opposite statement bothered me too...a colleague hadn't seen me in a while and didn't notice I was pregnant (this was right around the same time the large stranger had said something to me)...I mentioned my pregnancy and my colleague was shocked and said that "you're hiding it well". How can I be both too large to be 6 months pregnant and hiding it?

Now though I'm shrugging it off much better than I was, but man people sure think that they can do whatever they want around you when you're pregnant!

I've also been trying very hard not to have discussions with people regarding sensitive subjects, such as natural birth versus epidural or other drugs; vaccinations/vaccination scheduling; circumcision; faith etc. People sure want to know those things though.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Milestones and experiences

At work they keep asking me if I'm journaling or blogging about this whole pregnancy experience. I am not doing as good of a job as I might have hoped, but that happens.

This past Sunday (July 6) I had my first experience with what I assume was Braxton Hicks contractions. I was folding laundry and doubled over with pain....it was a bad cramp on the lower side of my belly. I went upstairs, laid down, had some water, had one more cramp, and then everything was fine. I'm hoping that I don't experience that until it's actual labor time, but at least I know what the Braxton Hicks are going to be like for me.

He's been a bunch more active, on some days. The days when I don't feel him moving about all the time I get nervous. I realize it can depend on what I eat, when I eat, how I slept, how he's feeling on each day, but it's something I find myself worrying about. Today was a very active day where he's been moving around all day. Typically he's more of an evening mover and shaker...still not moving enough for my husband to feel, but moving around for sure.

My dogs have decided to teach me patience and not to jump to the conclusion of running to the vet/doctor for everything. Last week, the boys were playing ball, ran at full speed into each other's heads, and one of them had a tooth pop out. He had blood all over his nose, I freaked out...cleaned him up, saw what was going on, researched (google is a friend and an enemy) and calmed down. This week, the other dog decided to jump up on the backside of the grill while we were eating. The grill had been turned off for 10-15 minutes already, but it was still hot. The top part of his paw got stuck onto the outside of the grill (stuck between the grill and the piping that holds the grill up)....that was the WORST sound I ever heard in my life. It lasted 20 seconds at most from the moment it happened until we had him freed but on my goodness it was terrible. He ended up burning up some of his fur and having a burn on his paw, but it's healing up nicely (just like the other one's tooth). They can stop teaching me lessons now!

My dogs are also showing me and my husband that we need to work with them a bit more to prepare them for the baby. One of them is so super excited and curious but he jumps with his mouth open...and he can jump! We need to get more baby stuff in the house so that we can reinforce calm behavior around baby stuff (and eventually around baby). It'll be a process, but we will all be in a happy household eventually.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Things not to say to a pregnant woman

I keep seeing these lists pop up everywhere, but yet I feel that I need to write my own. These are things that have been said (or done) to me...I'm 23 weeks pregnant as of today...I'm sure I'll be updating this list.

"You get bigger every time I see you"
"I can't wait to see how huge you get"
"Oh, I didn't know you're pregnant, you're hiding it, why are you hiding it?"
"You're so tiny, are you ok?"
"Are you sure you're pregnant?"
"Let's see how big that belly has gotten"

Added 7/8/14
"I swear, if you hadn't told me you were pregnant I never would have know"
"I think that us petite women have it (pregnancy) more difficult than *pause to look at me* some non-petite women" - not sure if this is in reference to my height and/or my weight
"Look at how big our baby is getting"

So pretty much, don't talk to me about my size...there is nothing good you could say to me about it.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Dreaming of my next triathlon

One thing that's amazing about this pregnancy is how much I've increased my activity level. I used to run 5x a week but over the years that has drastically been reduced. When we first got pregnant I was running, but by about 8 weeks it hurt. I've still been walking and riding and yoga and I've re-added swimming.

By adding swimming to my workout routine I'm craving a triathlon. I realize that I'm not going to do a triathlon this summer, but I'm starting to think about one for next summer or the summer afterwards. I realize that I have no control over how this pregnancy and birth is going to go, I'm just doing my best to stay healthy throughout it and hope to be able to return to working out soon after the baby is born. It would be so awesome to do a sprint tri next summer. Baby W might be too little though so I might have to wait until the following summer, but I am going to do another sprint, and hopefully do a full length tri in the next 5 years. I always thought I would train for one more marathon too and run it with my husband, but we run and train so differently that I don't think that will actually happen. Perhaps one more marathon is in me, but a tri seems more realistic :)

Of course who knows what will really happen, I just love swimming and yesterday an old man told me that I'm an excellent swimmer :) that made me happy. While swimming yesterday, I felt like the baby and I were synchronized swimming together, it was funny. Today is going to end up being a rest day and tomorrow and Saturday I hope to go for long walks in the woods! We'll see what each day brings though.