Thursday, March 27, 2014


I hate being sick. It doesn't happen very often but I'm a huge baby when it does happen. I caught something a little earlier in the winter (maybe in December) but I've held my own all winter long and didn't really get sick. That is until today.

It's technically spring so I technically didn't get sick this winter. Of course it's 35 and raining outside so it doesn't seem very spring like. What is it about getting sick that sucks so much? It's our body saying, "slow down, sleep, relax" why is it so hard to listen? Why do we always have to be on the go? I'm terrible at that. I try really hard to take time for me to relax and to sleep, but it doesn't always work for me.

This morning I told myself that I had to go to work. I had to work a half day. I had 3 appointments this morning and some work to get done, so I could go in until noon and be ok. Well it's 10:30am and I'm wondering why I "forced" myself to do that. I tell myself a bunch of the time that I'll "feel better" once I get out of the house, that maybe I just don't want to go to work...but this time I'm sick. I'm sick and I'm stuck at work for another hour and a half...and I'm being a baby about it because I'm sick.

Spring sick I think is worse than winter sick. Everyone expects you to get sick in the winter, during the spring they think it's a lie. Even on a cold and rainy day (they think you just want to cuddle on the couch and read...which yes I do...after I nap).

Ugh, stoopid being sick.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Starting a gratitude list

It is so very easy to get caught up in the crap.

I find myself working very hard on looking beyond the crap. I subscribe to MindBodyGreen and read lots of articles that talk about positivity. One of the things that was mentioned was writing down something that I am grateful for each day. While I don't plan on making it 100% public (that's just narcissistic and way too much bragging) I thought that I could at least start day one on here, thus hopefully spreading the idea so that others can focus on the positive things in their life.

In the beginning there are so many things to write about being grateful for, especially when you stop to think about it. The goal isn't to write down everything all at once though, it's to write down one thing each day.

This morning I am really grateful for my husband. He is one of the greatest people I have ever known. He is kind, funny, generous and just all around wonderful. I'm luck that we were able to find each other in this crazy world. I'm going through some difficult things right now and he is very supportive. I'm very proud of him too for all of the things that he is accomplishing. Tonight he has a final exam in one of his classes and I know that he's going to do great, even if he doesn't know it 100%. So thank you husband for always being there and being so wonderful.

That wasn't hard at all, and it kind of warmed my heart up (which on a 18 degree now going down to 0 degree in Chicago with windchill advisory of -20, that's saying something).

If I stop to think about all that I am grateful for, it really is a long list. I suggest that everyone take just a moment to write down something that you are grateful for.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

More letting go

It's amazing how much "letting go" has been a theme for me recently. There are so many different aspects of letting go that I really need to work on.

Letting go of situations
Letting go of people
Letting go of fear
Letting go of the past
Letting go of control

I think that I've improved on the "fear" and "control" though I do still need to be in control of certain situations...I'm realizing that I can't be in control of everything. I also realize that not everything is on my time schedule so that I've let go of as well.

Letting go of people seems to be harder for me. I have always wanted to be liked by everyone and have always wanted to give people second (and third and fourth) chances. When someone hurts me I usually turn the other cheek. When someone doesn't want to be around me anymore, I have a hard time with that. I think as I get older though that's becoming easier too...why would I want to be around someone who doesn't want to be around me? Additionally, why would I want to be around someone who hurts me? Life is too short.

Letting go of the past...and I guess also situations...that's a tricky one. If a situation was bothersome it seems to stick to me. Typically situations are in the past (though sometimes it's upcoming situations that urk me). I dwell and all that does is upset me and make me dwell more and upset me more...such a terrible cycle. Rather than feeding that feedback loop, there needs to be a way to interrupt it. I think the best way to let go is to replace those past situations with more recent ones...unless the past situation continues to repeat itself and then I suppose you need to move from letting go of the past to letting go of people! Unless it's different people, same situation, in which lots of self work would need to be done.

As we are in the final month of the year, focusing on moving forward is good...but it needs to continue throughout the year. It's a housekeeping of sorts. I'm packing up my office at work because we're getting some new carpet. I'm recycling old things that I don't need anymore and have no idea why I held onto in the first place. The same thing needs to be done to some memories and yes even people who are a part of our lives. It may be difficult and sad, but in order for new things to happen you need to move forward...that's the trick to remember most I suppose.

A few minutes after posting this a friend posted this image on I'm not alone with my thinking

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Letting go

Two little words, why do they haunt me? I feel as though letting go is one of the most difficult things in the world to do. Whether it be physical (letting go of a blankie), emotional (letting go of the hurt caused from a bad breakup), mental (letting go of a failure from the past)...letting go is difficult.

I'm trying to let go of too much at the same time right now. I should focus on letting go of one thing at a time, instead I'm attempting to force myself to let go of (what seems like) EVERYTHING. It's such a huge burden on me to even think about all that I'm trying to let go of that I don't seem to be letting go of anything at all.

There are so many, emotion, weight, past, worries, personal, career (different from work) would think that I would know what to do (I'm a Counselor, I'm trained in this sort of sh*t)...yet I cannot use my techniques on myself. You would think my acupuncture, yoga and running would help...which makes me worry that it is helping and that this is all the residual crap that's left over!

Taking the time to breath is such an important part of our survival, and yet I don't do it often enough...which causes this huge build up that needs to be released.

How do you let go especially when you feel that everything is falling apart?

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Sugar is not my friend

When am I going to learn that my old ways of coping are no longer the things that are helpful to me? I mean, not that they were helpful before but they were disguised that way.

I'm having a rough day...I keep crying which I hate to do at work, but I can't seem to knock it off. I ate my lunch late (which doesn't help) even though I was hungry early.

What did I do? I ate a total of 6 pieces of chocolate over 2 hours...and I had a belly ache but mostly I feel jittery and the carb/sugar monster is making me think I'm hungry which I am not.

Chocolate and sugar just don't "fix" me the way they used to.

What I should have done was gone for a walk, gotten more water or tea, and just stepped away...instead I went for an old habit.

I will learn from this and I am writing about it so that I will remember to learn from this.

I will workout after work today and I will go for a run as well because that is what will help me...not stuffing myself with sugar but getting my endorphins going.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Holy sweetness High Fructose Corn Syrup!

I had a bad day yesterday. S'ok, they happen.

My bad day got worse when I gave in and had 2 fun size pieces of's in my house for Halloween and we now have 148 pieces of candy to give away because of it...again, s'ok, it'll be enough.

It got worse because my found memories of Milky Way and Snickers are just memories...because whoa was that sweet. It was so sweet that I got a tummy ache...from 2 fun size pieces of candy!

Do you know how many fun size pieces of candy I would typically consume around Halloween? More than 2 in one sitting, that's for sure.

I couldn't believe the reaction I had to it. No splotchiness thankfully since there was no wheat or grains, but it was way too sweet. Yes those candies are all sugar but a bunch of it had to be the high fructose corn was bad.

So I have learned that when I'm going to indulge I just need to stick with my organic, super dark chocolate and one piece...that should avoid the tummy troubles.

I also had gluten free pizza last night...ordered not made. That made things better :)

Lastly, I am going to identify as paleo...well my eating style...even though I still eat dairy. Some things I read said dairy is ok, others say no...but most of what I'm eating is paleo...and I'm not following the wheat belly thing 100% either so paleo makes sense to people. Saying no grains and really no beans and no sugar doesn't seem to make sense..."what do you eat?" is the response to that...but paleo is more of a "oh, ok...can you eat that?" response :)

Monday, October 28, 2013

More delicious food

One of the things that I'm really loving about going grain free is all of the new recipes that I've been trying. Things that I've never thought of combining before...or things that I've eaten but never thought I would make.

This weekend we started trying out paleo stuffing recipes for Thanksgiving. I need to make something that everyone will enjoy but will still be ok for me and the hubby to eat. Traditionally we had a meat stuffing with sausage and hamburger meat, Pepperidge Farms herb stuffing and then some celery and egg and broth. So going paleo/grain free means that I can still have all of the meat (yay meat) just not the breading. Luckily there are lots of options out there. Yesterday we started with this one minus the cranberries and I think less onion that she calls for. She is not overreacting when she says "Eat it up!!! OMG..." it is so freaking yummy! I have a feeling we will stick with Juli's recipe (with my minor adaptations) but we have a few more to try.

Additionally, I mentioned trying things that I wouldn't think of trying together. Today's lunch is just that. I cooked up a bunch of chicken to go with the stuffing last night, so we had leftovers. I cut up some leftover chicken, added some apples, grapes, almond butter and honey....mix...serve inside of bibb lettuce. The recipe called for romaine but no...that is not a good wrap in my opinion. This lunch is freaking delicious! I'm so excited to play around with these flavors even more.

With all of the recipe searching and blog reading I've been doing, I reintroduced myself to pinterest. Now that I'm using it more, I see how addictive it can be. I'm pinning way too much stuff but it's much easier to access on my shiny, new Iphone 5S...and I'm able to just look it up and start making it in the kitchen. On my galaxy 3 I would look things up but didn't really have them saved...using pinterest is helping with that saving part.

I do need to start learning how to make my own recipes, and not just the coconut chicken and broccoli & cauliflower...though that was yummy. Eating this way for almost 2 months I can cut myself a bit of slack though in terms of not creating everything on my own least I'm cooking!