Nerves

I'm starting to get really nervous about all sorts of unknown (and uncontrollable) things. I am 99% sure that this is a normal part of pregnancy, but wanted to write about it anyway.

My due date is 5 weeks away from today. 5 weeks away...35 days...holy cow, 35 days away. I realize that he can really come at any point between now and then (and a few days later) but still...35 days away.

I'm nervous about labor, which is funny because a week or two ago I told my husband I wasn't. I know it's going to hurt, but I know it's temporary. Of course, as my baby has less and less room, and I experience these fun "practice" contractions more and more, I'm becoming nervous about labor.

I'm nervous about delivery...so much can go right, wrong, unknown!

I'm nervous about the weather and about traffic. It's Chicago, I realize that there is always going to be traffic, I'm just nervous about it. Weather at the end of October/beginning of November can be anything too.

I realize I have NO CONTROL over any of the things I'm nervous about. I think that's why I'm nervous about these things...no control. I realize I am about to enter this next stage of my life where I have no control. It's terrifying!

I'm nervous about my dogs, even though I know I don't need to be. I need to be aware but not nervous. I'm nervous about my recovery, what if I can't leave the upstairs of my house for a week or two due to delivery complications?

What if I don't know I'm in labor? What if I go too early or wait too long? What then?

So many things to obsess and be nervous over, it's insane. I keep trying to do little things here and there to set my mind at ease, but it's not working anymore. Plus the exhaustion is just overwhelming...but I still try. Yesterday we went to the Farmers Market, made chili and an apple pie, and put up Halloween decorations...I just laid down in between those things.

Today, I will work all day, swim, and hopefully put away some of the baby's clothes. Tomorrow I will work on packing my bag (which is another holy crap moment). My husband needs to pack his own bag...and I need to remember to pack stuff for the baby in my bag. Oh and installing the car seat, but that's my husband's job.

Again, all scary things...all things that I'm starting to ask, "what did we get ourselves into"...but I know that it will all be alright in the end...I mean come on, Weezer's new album is even called, "Everything Will Be Alright In The End" that's a sign right?

(Almost) 35 weeks and counting

So this is where the bloating and the irritability and the beginning of lack of sleep kicks in. I have very little fuse and it's noticeable. I try really hard!

For example, someone just told me, "wow, you really are bloated" in regards to my feet. Yes I know. That didn't bother me too much. The comment that another person made did, "are you trying to avoid salt?" really? That's your question to me? I'm 35 weeks pregnant...I'm trying to avoid anything and everything that could potentially make me feel worse...and do you honestly think that SALT is my problem?

I'm also really irritated because I am at work today when I really shouldn't have to have been...and the event was in direct sunlight...so after 2 hours I was sent inside because I was beat red and had trouble breathing...and after an hour inside I'm feeling sick. But do I get to go home? Nope...need to stick it out at least another hour.

Oh well :(

Overall this pregnancy has been great...I'm in the home stretch...this lil man needs to bake a little bit longer.

Frazzled

I had an odd incident happen this morning as I was leaving my house and it's left me a bit frazzled.

I was backing out of my driveway, slowly. I had a bit of condensation on my car and the sun was directly behind me so it was a bit difficult to see out my back window. As always I checked for people on the sidewalk...nothing. I checked for a car on the street...nothing. All of the sudden, boom. I had backed into someone who had pulled into my driveway.

I got out and checked that he was ok and that I was ok and that the cars were ok. They all were since I was going maybe 5 mph but more like 2 mph.

What has me more frazzled was the other drivers reaction. Totally on the defensive that he had just delivered a paper across the street and was using my driveway to turn around. In the moment I was fine with it, but now I'm kind of pissed about this entire thing. It's fine that you use my driveway, but when you see that I'm backing up out of my driveway, maybe don't use my driveway, or maybe wait until I'm done backing up out of my driveway. My guess is that he didn't see that I was backing up because when he finished his turning around he gunned it down the street (it's a 25mph zone and he was gone so fast he had to be going 35/40).

Now yes, I'm super sensitive right now, and I yelled in the car when it happened because it shocked me (he came out of no where) and my belly tightened a bit (fight or flight of course) but really why was that guy so defensive and did he even see me? That's more concerning to me right now.

Of course I'm also worried about my driving skills now...am I too pregnant to drive? Too much doubt comes to mind :(

31 weeks and counting

Hello everyone,

As usual, I took a summer vacation from blogging...mostly because I'm too busy at work and too tired when I get home.

Baby news is he is still cooking (yes a he)...I failed the one hour glucose test which was bad but passed the three hour test which is no fun at all, but I passed. I had friends telling me in the middle of the three hour test that I can deny it...why would you tell me that after I've already started the dang thing???

So here are some new observations since I left you all.
- People see you as pregnant and feel they can say anything they want to you.
- Showing that you're pregnant makes people feel they can touch you
- My friends and people I wouldn't mind touching my belly are the ones who are most likely to not touch my belly...it's the strangers who feel that they have the right to
- People love to tell horror stories (either their own or ones that they have heard)
- People love to tell you what to do and how to do it in regards to all things pregnancy, baby and raising a child
- Overweight people love to tell you how HUGE you look when you're pregnant
- People do seem to be more understanding of brain farts when you're pregnant
- People do seem to smile at you more when you're pregnant
- People still do not move out of the way and will bump into you

I think that the worst thing was a very large woman asking me how far along I was, I responded about 6 months and she said, "no you're not, you are way too large to only be 6 months pregnant"...that was the worst one. She was larger than me and just wanted to insult someone else I'm guessing. In the same regard though, the opposite statement bothered me too...a colleague hadn't seen me in a while and didn't notice I was pregnant (this was right around the same time the large stranger had said something to me)...I mentioned my pregnancy and my colleague was shocked and said that "you're hiding it well". How can I be both too large to be 6 months pregnant and hiding it?

Now though I'm shrugging it off much better than I was, but man people sure think that they can do whatever they want around you when you're pregnant!

I've also been trying very hard not to have discussions with people regarding sensitive subjects, such as natural birth versus epidural or other drugs; vaccinations/vaccination scheduling; circumcision; faith etc. People sure want to know those things though.