New rules...pregnancy edition

New rules for myself that I have learned in the past 18-20 hours or so.

1. When gardening I must wear gloves. If I do not wear gloves, my arms will swell up and my legs get super splotchy and a little swollen.
2. When I get a bug bite, I swell up much faster.
3. When reading work email in the morning, step away after the first one irritates you. By reading all of the irritating emails at once, I was ready to go home by 8:22am. If I had spaced them out, maybe walked away for a moment, I don't think it would have made me as irritated.
4. When going for a walk, bring water. I got so thirsty on the walk and downed 2 glasses when I was done.
5. When going for a walk, at work, during lunch bring a change of clothes and a washcloth and deodorant. I was so sweaty and got super red on the walk, even though most of it was in the shade.
6. Whenever going outside for more than 10 minutes, wear sunscreen. Again, I got super red, though some of it is going down, it's not all going away.

It's difficult to accept these changes. They may seem really small, and they are, but they keep piling up. I knew that pregnancy (and having a child) was going to change me. I knew that I would need to slow down and let go. I guess I just didn't realize how quickly I would have to start adapting to these new behaviors and routines.

Adapting to new workouts

I'm 16 weeks pregnant today (yay) and my body is changing rapidly. I won't go into those boring details since there are about 50 million books, blogs and websites to discuss that. I will talk about how difficult it can be to adapting to a new workout.

Since I moved to Chicago in 2003 I have been a runner. It started in August of 2003 in terms of any sort of consistency. I've taken breaks here and there, but usually would still fit in a run here or there. I tried sticking with running for my pregnancy, but in the beginning was told maybe not to. I switched to elliptical and kept up with cycling and yoga (in the beginning). After about 8 weeks I added back in some jogging. I kept my heart rate under 150 (supposed to be 140 oh well). But over the past week or so, it just doesn't feel right. I don't know if it's because of my bump or because my TicTac is now the size of an avocado or what else it could be...I only know that jogging doesn't feel right. It made me a little sad, but I will have to adjust.

I know that some people run through their entire pregnancy, and great for them! I will not be among that group of people. I will be among the thousands who walk a bunch. Especially in the summer, I can see myself doing a bunch of walks. I do need to increase my yoga though, at least do it 1-2 times a week. I'd like to try this new yoga studio that has prenatal yoga, but right now I'm good with my DVD at home.

I miss the studio I was going to, but my balance is already pretty off and I don't feel comfortable with my belly and my balance so not going there until post baby.

It's just hard that I'm already making so many changes and we're only 16 weeks pregnant. I was thinking earlier today about how I get so much done around the house on my late days (I work 11-7:30 one day a week) but the rest of the week (8-4:30) I come home and relax typically. Of course I should be taking advantage of that for the time being since that will be changing in about 24 weeks.

Holy cow, 24 weeks...that's it!

So yes, I guess it's time to just accept that things are going to be changing, and it's ok, with my workouts I just need to stay active, that's the key :)

All the things I have to do

It hit me today that there are a number of things that I (we) need to get working on that I didn't even consider! I was so excited about us getting pregnant that I haven't been doing too much forward thinking, which is odd because I'm a type-o obsessive type person, my husband has been rubbing off on me.

Last night while at a work event for my husband, one of his co-workers and I were chatting. She is a month ahead of us in this whole pregnancy thing. She is going to do a walk-thru of a daycare next week! This got me doing some research today and some places say you should start your search once you find out you're pregnant.

So we're behind the ball there. I did some research and it's hard to do research on day cares in your area! At least my normal methods (google and yelp) gave limited results. I'm trying to read up on the few in my area and there really is nothing I can do. There are two with websites, but one of those websites doesn't really have much information.

No where are prices or ranges listed. One place had testimonials. I have lots of phone numbers, that's what I have. I guess I'm going to have to call (what?) and talk with these people and setup visits and get referrals and call the referrals! I hadn't realized how lazy I had become and how much I don't like interacting with strangers (outside of work). It's scary though because I'm going to give my 10-12 week old child to this person and trust that they will be good to my child while I'm at work! I don't like the way that this is making me feel right now.

Moving on...furniture buying, we need to get on that, at least get on the narrowing it down list. We should order it by week 20...well I'm 15.5 weeks right now and we just started doing some online research. Looks like the next couple of weeks will involve going to look at furniture. But first we need to measure...and clean out the room that will become the nursery.

Another things to research...car seats. Who knows when I'm supposed to work on that part.

Oh and then there's putting together a registry if someone throws me a shower or if someone just wants to send us a gift. The shower thing is a sore subject for me right now...not going to go there!

It appears for a Friday afternoon I am quite cranky. Maybe it's because I'm scared and overwhelmed. I'm going to blare some Offspring while at the office for the last hour and hope that smacks it out of me.

Music festivals - the preparation

I go to two large music festivals a year, Lollapalooza and Riot Fest. Both are held in Chicago, one in August the other in September. I love going to music fests, they are awesome, intense, overwhelming but fun.

There is tons of preparation that goes into attending a music festival and I'm here to discuss some of that. (I can only imagine what goes into putting one together, but luckily I don't).

Getting tickets:
These two festivals are currently very different in how you obtain tickets. For Lolla you watch Facebook/Twitter/Website to see when the tickets will go on sale. There used to be a "secret sale" in which we got tickets one time at the low, low price. Now, tickets sell out within an hour of going on sale. I have tons of opinions regarding this, but I will not express them in this blog at this time (I've expressed it plenty to the lolla people via Facebook and Twitter). Tickets go on sale prior to the line up being announced, so you're buying tickets without knowing who you are going to see.

Riot Fest is much more laid back. You can buy your tickets stupid early (Black Friday) for super cheap. Then they stay off of the market until about May when they release the line up and tickets go back on sale. Here you have the option of waiting until the line up is released to purchase regularly priced tickets.

The schedule:
After the line up is released, the schedule comes out. For lolla they give you a bit more time than Riot Fest does. Lolla released the schedule today (May 15, 2014) for the fest that begins August 1. The initial time you look at the schedule there is tons of excitement and frustration. I always have one day where I need to be there at noon...and sometimes my next band isn't until 4pm...but always one day at noon. We are typically there until 10pm at night so we have two meals there and use the port-o-potties numerous amounts of times. After the initial review of the schedule, you have a couple of months to start to listen to all of the other bands on the schedule that you had no clue who they were. This then creates a multitude of conflicts because you want to be in two or three places at once OR one band ends at 3:15 at the north end and the other band starts at 3:15 on the south end. It's a mile between the two places...with 100,000 people in between.

Riot Fest (last year) had some issues releasing the schedule and I believe we had approximately a week to review the schedule and plan. I'm hoping this year they don't have those issues. Here, the area is not nearly as big nor are there as many people, that is up until the evening performance where if you didn't setup a picnic spot you aren't getting into the sea of people. Since there are only 3 stages (well sometimes 4) there are not nearly the number of conflicts here, and the stages are closer together so you don't have that issue. Plus if there is a large amount of time in between sets of bands you do want to hear, there is a carnival!

The bag:
Water, water, frozen water, frozen water, sunscreen, hat, bandana, poop bags, baby wipes, hand sanitizer, camera (though now I think we pretty much just use our phones), copy of schedule.

Transportation:
This is where it all depends on where you live. In the city? CTA baby! In the suburbs: drive to a CTA stop and pay to park there for the day and take the CTA into the city; take the Metra (commuter train) into the city; drive and park downtown; stay at a hotel downtown; pay for a car to bring you and pick you up.

For Riot Fest we drove last year and parked about a mile away, no biggie. For Lolla we'll be driving this year (I'll be 6 months pregnant) and I'm a little bit nervous about that. It's still cheaper than getting a hotel room. If we were drinking, we would have done the hotel room this year I think.

At the fest:
Wear comfortable shoes and clothing and drink lots of water. Yes you will need to use the port-o a little bit more, but you will be better off for the entire weekend if you drink lots of water. No one wants to go to a 3-day music festival hungover...especially when it's in August! Riot Fest isn't as bad but still drink lots of water. Keep checking your schedule, you don't want to miss anything!

Recovery:
Each night, eat something when you get home and drink more water. Sleep! Take the next day off to sleep if at all possible.

This year specifically:
The Riot Fest line up came out the other day, and now I'm way more excited about that than Lolla (even though I'll be 7.5 months pregnant at that one). Looking at the Lolla line up and schedule I'm more "meh" about two of the days than I would have liked. The good news is, I have time to learn more of these bands and start to like more and want to see more.

Yes, I am starting to feel old, but at least Riot Fest tips their hat to me on that and gives me my old music mixed with my new stuff.

Sensitive

I've always been a really sensitive person and have a habit of taking things way too personally. I've worked on that for a good portion of my life. I've also never really been one to be able to let go. I think about things, ok obsess about things, and have a very difficult time letting go. What's worse is even thing that I thought I've let go of will come back to haunt me.

I bring it up because in my current state things are even worse! I'm getting very upset over the littlest things and then worrying and obsessing about them for extended periods of time.

Example, and she may read this blog so I won't use the name. I have a friend who is mostly an online friend (we've met face-to-face twice)...I'd consider her like an old school pen pal. We've "known" each other for about 8 years I'd say. She invited me to her wedding. When I found out that I was pregnant I told her I wasn't going to be able to make it (she lives in a completely different state) but told her she would still get an awesome gift. Well yesterday the line up for a music festival was announced and I shared my excited on Facebook (the downfall of the modern era). In my head that festival was not the same weekend as her wedding but it was. She commented on my post about how she would love to be there but she's getting married. I, still thinking her wedding was the following weekend, stated as such. She responded that nope, that's her wedding weekend...I apologized both in public and a message. I've gotten no response. I even apologized again this morning, nothing.

I'm really upset about this. I'm upset that I may have upset/offended her. I'm upset that she's not responding to me. I'm upset that she may be upset at me for going to this music festival instead of her wedding. I already stated I wasn't going to make it to the wedding (8 hour drive away and less than 2 months before my due date). The music festival is 20 minutes away, and we've had tickets since before I found out I was pregnant.

This is a prime example of how a possible misunderstanding, and possibly no one is upset, has turned into me getting super upset about different aspects of things.

What's interesting is that I used to do this with one of my previous friends too. The difference was that friend would totally play into my sensitivity and take advantage.

So now that I've written this out, time to process how to let go. I'd love feedback too on the entire letting go process.

Logic - You already said you weren't going; you'll be 7.5 months pregnant; you don't know if you've really upset anyone; maybe it's because you doubted the date and oh well, you called yourself out on that one already; it's really not a big deal so just forget about it; you can't control the behavior of others.

See it really always comes down to the "you can't control the behavior of others". As a counselor I know this, I teach this, I work with my students on this. Why is it such a difficult concept for me to master within myself? I cannot control the behavior of others I can only control my response to their behavior. So in this instance, "you're upset that I now have 2 reasons I can't go to your wedding? I'm sorry that you feel that way"...and move on!!! *sigh*

Looking on the outside in, I can be really annoying with this stuff, my goodness...just move on...this really does not impact your day to day life...you've already acknowledged you made a mistake and apologized...there's nothing else you can do (unless you want to go the 8 hours away in a few months and give up this other event).

15 weeks, Eek!

I'm 15 weeks pregnant! Eek!

Last night my husband said, "we're going to be parents" my response was a rather freaked out, "yup". Funny how from moment to moment that feeling changes from total freak out to total excitement.

This morning I've been experiencing new pressure. Not pain, not flutters, just pressure. Since Tic-Tac is the size of an orange and my uterus is much larger, it's no wonder I'm feeling pressure.

I've decided that I need to walk more, and I don't think I'll be running much longer. I love being outside and I love to run, but I feel like I'm running slower than I walk there days. I can walk a 15 minute mile, but feel like I'm running at 16 minutes...so walking it is. Plus, while I walk slower with the puppies, they love going for long walks, so we will just go for walks in the woods in addition to around the neighborhood.

Another thing that's exciting, is that I have something the size of an orange growing inside of me. Yup, we're reached orange size, it's crazy! No wonder I have a little bump, I've got a full orange in there :)

Impatience and stupidity, a correlation?

This morning on my drive into work I had some observations and potential realizations. The more impatient we are I believe the more stupid things we do. Especially while driving. Thinking back to Monday I believe that I was guilty of this as well...but I'll return to that new thought.

On my drive into work I have to cross a railroad crossing. It's a very active RR crossing since the commuter train and freight trains use the line. Luckily I rarely hit a freight train on my way into work, but on the way home is another story (and was Monday). This morning the commuter train had just gone past so there was not going to be another train for a few minutes. There was a car in front of me and a bus in front of the car. As the bus approached the train crossing, the hazards went on...the driver of the car in front of me kind of began a mini freak out and tried to get around the bus (two lane road) but couldn't since it's a busy Thursday morning. She began to inch her way over and, of course, the bus was done with the check. The driver then over corrects back into the lane she was in and can't decide where to go. The bus then changes lanes making it easier for the car to decide to stay in the lane in front of me...to which she blocks an intersection with a big sign saying not to block said intersection.

The rest of the drive to work was normal, no more stupid things observed, but it made me think about how when we are impatient we tend to do things that are kind of stupid. Doesn't everyone know that a bus will stop at a RR crossing, open it's doors, then continue on? I can't be alone on thinking that's common knowledge. As for the blocking of the intersection, I can understand ignoring the sign when there are no cars waiting to come out, I think I was just highly aware of this car's behavior.

As for my own example from Monday night. Same RR crossing but headed home, the lights started and I considered going quickly over the RR tracks but thought better of it. I hoped it was a commuter train, but looked to my right and there was a freight train. I quickly turned off of the road I was on and onto the service road next to the tracks, thinking if I go one block I could out run the train. I missed a stop sign :( I saw it too late, slammed on my breaks but I was already through it. Then in the other direction was a commuter train! So I had to go further down, which is fine since I live in that direction, it's just a different way to go home than I usually do. So I go as far west as I typically go, head north and hit a stop light right before the tracks! "Come on, turn green, turn green, turn green" I get over the tracks and continue to look back for about a half a mile, and the RR lights don't come on. Either I successfully outran the freight train, or the train was just stopped by where I was and the lights came on for the commuter train.

I was do impatient that I missed a stop sign and couldn't wait to see if we were waiting for a freight train or a commuter train. It's possible that I could have actually gotten home faster if I had just waited a minute longer.

I find that I'm becoming much more patient with things and slowing down a bit (for me, still way too fast for many people). I am trying to be more zen too...but when you've worked a long day and you leave late and you hit a stopping point and you want dinner...yes I could see having some stupidity due to impatience. But first thing in the morning???

Clothing

So I'm in the 2nd trimester (yay) officially and everything. 14 weeks preggo today. I was able to run faster and further today so you know that things are getting better (even if it was just a 13:30 pace).

I've read a bunch about how in your first pregnancy you don't really start to show until 20+ weeks, yet your regular clothes stop fitting by week 12 (on average because no two pregnancy are the same, blah, blah, blah).

My body is not liking regular clothes nor is it really liking maternity pants. The tops rock and I'm loving them (except the ones with all the ties on it...more on that to come). The bottoms are too big but I had to wear them today because none of my other pants fit right. So I'm already at elastic pant land. I'm ok with this because it means my baby is growing, but I am not a fan of so many books/websites/communities/blogs saying I'm not really showing it's bloat or something else. No, I'm showing. Except when I took a comparison picture from when we first found out at 4 weeks to now, it really doesn't look like I'm showing in the picture, but I feel like I'm showing and I feel like I look preggo. Maybe it is a state of mind sometimes.

Now as for the shirts and some of the dresses, they are made to show off your belly. Now yes, I am happy to be pregnant and excited to show off the belly when there really is something to show off. Right now, in this in between mode though, it's difficult...I just feel like I'm showing off fat not baby. As someone who has struggled with her weight my entire life, it's difficult to think that I'm going to show off a belly. I need to learn to take pride in this, and I'm thinking in a few more weeks I will because it will be more obvious that I'm pregnant. For now though, it's just odd. So the dresses are stretchy but tight, it's weird. And the shirts, they have these ties on them so that you can make it more fitted to show off the belly (and huge boobs). So today I turned the ties around to tie in the back but I have huge boobs. One of my new bras is already too small (I started off a 36C, my 38D is too small, luckily I have on 38D that's more like a 38DD) Oh and speaking of bras, ladies who normally have 38DD+ I'm so sorry that bra shopping sucks so badly! I wanted one without underwire and I couldn't find any! That's why I got the 38D that felt like a DD (translation for men, big boobies and bigger boobies). I suppose I can go online to buy a new bra there.

Last rant about maternity clothes, jeans. I tried on 6 different pairs of jeans on Saturday and NONE of them fit. Way too tight on my thighs, and this was at a company I normally buy my jeans at. I was so sad and even told my husband that it didn't look like I'd be getting any maternity jeans, he reminded me I went to one store. Still super sad :(

Oh and bathing suits...I'm debating about getting one. I kind of need one for the end of this month (I'll be 17 weeks when I need one) and potentially might go to the beach this summer, but I didn't last summer. I'd like to go swimming when the pool at work opens too, but who knows when that will happen. What do you think? Get a maternity bathing suit of just wear old clothes for kayaking and canoeing this summer?

Exhaustion

It's funny, I want to workout and when I do I have more energy, but I'm so exhausted all the time it's difficult to get motivated to workout.

Working out currently has a different meaning. A workout before would be a run, now it's a slow jog or the elliptical. Of course I still do yoga but even that has changed. My balance is already off a bit and I don't feel comfortable going to the classes that I used to go to, so I'm staying at home for my yoga. For the elliptical I love that on my lunch when I have the time and energy to do it. "Running" is so slow now. My heartrate is supposed to stay below 140...I keep it below 150 on runs right now. It's difficult (when running with my dogs) to keep it below 140. I try really hard though.

I feel so lazy, and I don't like feeling lazy. I'm really hoping that in the next week or two this "2nd trimester" energy emerges so that I can do more...like go plant my veggies in my garden. Of course, the fact that it was only in the 40s yesterday may have more to do with why I haven't planted things vs. the lack of energy thing.

At least the internet and work know about my pregnancy now so I don't need to fake it and I can just be open and honest about being exhausted!