Why is the number on the scale so important? I try not to weigh myself and trust my clothing (the way it fits) and the way I feel...but after this challenge of working out and eating right and portion control I wanted to see. I should not have done that. The number was ridiculously high which means it was higher before I checked.
Why does weight weigh so much on my mind? I am more than a number on the scale yet I when that number isn't what I expect or want it to be, a downward spiral of self worth begins. I beat myself up mentally and feel less of a person.
The body dismorphia also begins again so I become Honey Boo-Boo's mother in my mind...except I'm able to run distances and workout daily.
No matter how old I get or how smart I am or how aware...I'm still returned to the chunky kid who was made fun of in grade school for being over weight. I'm happily married and have great friends who love who I am not what I look like...yet all I feel right now is self loathing because of a number on a scale.
Why do I do this? I know I'm not alone yet I can't seem to stop the cycle. It's just a number right?
Friday, January 18, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
19 days and counting
Remember when I did those 40 days of yoga? I do...I may even do it again...but right now the husband and I have decided to workout everyday in January...only I started on the 31st so today was day 19. When I did 40 days of yoga, it was 6 days a week of yoga with 1 day of rest. When I trained for marathons you had a day of rest in there too...today I felt why. I'm exhausted!
Not like I need to sleep exhausted, but my legs are dead, my arms are sore and my brain isn't even working! This morning I opted for yoga as my workout. I had planned on running but the way my legs felt I listened to my body and did some vinyasa. Yoga is such a great release for me. My arms are sore but feel more refreshed and my legs are feeling better. I'm hoping to get a run or two in this weekend (before the frigid cold front comes through with a high of 10 on Monday).
This workout goal is helping me get through a tough month at work and reminding me that I'm stronger than I think I am...the hubby too. Plus, when I am able to get out there and run, it feels fantastic! The bike trainer is a great addition to our home too...instead of just doing a DVD we also do 20-30 minutes on the bike (or use our step to do stepper stuff) so we're doing great and almost a hour a day...go us!
Challenges are a great thing to remind us how we really don't give ourselves enough credit...19 days down and after my yoga refresh I think tomorrow will be another short workout then really long ones over the weekend :)
Not like I need to sleep exhausted, but my legs are dead, my arms are sore and my brain isn't even working! This morning I opted for yoga as my workout. I had planned on running but the way my legs felt I listened to my body and did some vinyasa. Yoga is such a great release for me. My arms are sore but feel more refreshed and my legs are feeling better. I'm hoping to get a run or two in this weekend (before the frigid cold front comes through with a high of 10 on Monday).
This workout goal is helping me get through a tough month at work and reminding me that I'm stronger than I think I am...the hubby too. Plus, when I am able to get out there and run, it feels fantastic! The bike trainer is a great addition to our home too...instead of just doing a DVD we also do 20-30 minutes on the bike (or use our step to do stepper stuff) so we're doing great and almost a hour a day...go us!
Challenges are a great thing to remind us how we really don't give ourselves enough credit...19 days down and after my yoga refresh I think tomorrow will be another short workout then really long ones over the weekend :)
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Running and cycling and juicing oh my!
The husband and I have decided to challenge ourselves to working out everyday in January. Some of the workouts are more about fun than working out...but it's about moving and being healthy. For example, we went ice skating yesterday for over an hour and a half. We had so much fun, we love skating, and that's the longest we've gone at one time. Hopefully we can go a few more times this season since we really do love it.
We've also been using our bike trainer, almost daily. It's nice since we just jump on and watch a sitcom and then we're done. We've also been doing DVDs together. I have gone on two runs this week...that's a solo project since I signed up for an 8k at the end of March/beginning of April. I do enjoy running, but today was rough with the windchill at 18 degrees and all...I still went over a 5k and felt good...just wanted to warm up quickly afterwards so I rode for 25 minutes or so.
The juicing has been going well. I've made some juices I will not make again and plenty that I really enjoy. We're going to keep experimenting this week. Good juices include carrot, orange, pineapple, spinach...apple, pineapple, carrot....cucumber, orange, carrot. Bad was cucumber lemon in water...it works but the water to juice ratio needs to be right...and I think that's more of a summer thing.
This week we add experimenting with collards, celery and ginger...we'll see what happens.
We've also been using our bike trainer, almost daily. It's nice since we just jump on and watch a sitcom and then we're done. We've also been doing DVDs together. I have gone on two runs this week...that's a solo project since I signed up for an 8k at the end of March/beginning of April. I do enjoy running, but today was rough with the windchill at 18 degrees and all...I still went over a 5k and felt good...just wanted to warm up quickly afterwards so I rode for 25 minutes or so.
The juicing has been going well. I've made some juices I will not make again and plenty that I really enjoy. We're going to keep experimenting this week. Good juices include carrot, orange, pineapple, spinach...apple, pineapple, carrot....cucumber, orange, carrot. Bad was cucumber lemon in water...it works but the water to juice ratio needs to be right...and I think that's more of a summer thing.
This week we add experimenting with collards, celery and ginger...we'll see what happens.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Welcome to 2013
Hello 2013.
I am not going to resolve to do anything, I'm just going to go ahead and do stuff.
For example, we bought a trainer yesterday and I tried it out for a half hour yesterday and again today...husband used it today too! My bum is sore. It's odd using the trainer since my bum got sore quick...so did my husbands, but we really like it.
This will be used in addition to our DVDs and running, but I'm really glad we got the trainer. It's odd being in the middle of the apartment but it's reminding us to use the bike :)
We also got a juicer so we're going to go ahead and use that more too...but don't worry, I'm not in a health nut mode completely...we also made some beer today too :)
I am not going to resolve to do anything, I'm just going to go ahead and do stuff.
For example, we bought a trainer yesterday and I tried it out for a half hour yesterday and again today...husband used it today too! My bum is sore. It's odd using the trainer since my bum got sore quick...so did my husbands, but we really like it.
This will be used in addition to our DVDs and running, but I'm really glad we got the trainer. It's odd being in the middle of the apartment but it's reminding us to use the bike :)
We also got a juicer so we're going to go ahead and use that more too...but don't worry, I'm not in a health nut mode completely...we also made some beer today too :)
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
When did 3 miles become so hard to run?
I went out for a run last night. I realize that I was doing the C25K program to get back into running and it worked well for me. Last night though I just wanted to go for a run (and I had finished the 9 week program). I ran the entire time, but it just seemed more challenging than I remember it. I do need new shoes, I can tell because I feel like I'm getting shin splints. I kept going though and it felt better...sometimes I think it's just my body's way of warming up.
At the end of the run I felt very winded and tired...not my normal reaction to a run. I'm so glad that I went out there, but it was a bit discouraging...guess I should find motivation instead of discouragement though. Why you ask? I was able to run the 3 miles, but I'm no where near where I was in the past. I can get back there though, and I can build up my miles...I just need to be motivated to do so.
Another positive is my pants are finally fitting more back to normal! After a few weeks of odd fitting pants, things seem to be leveling out. I'm guessing it's the combination of increased activity, increased salads, decreased carbs, my (small glass of ) green smoothie in the morning, and the bc pill working it's way out of my system. it's nice to feel as though I'm losing weight during the holiday season rather than putting it on!
So here we go...depending on how I feel this evening it will either be another run or some yoga to balance me out.
At the end of the run I felt very winded and tired...not my normal reaction to a run. I'm so glad that I went out there, but it was a bit discouraging...guess I should find motivation instead of discouragement though. Why you ask? I was able to run the 3 miles, but I'm no where near where I was in the past. I can get back there though, and I can build up my miles...I just need to be motivated to do so.
Another positive is my pants are finally fitting more back to normal! After a few weeks of odd fitting pants, things seem to be leveling out. I'm guessing it's the combination of increased activity, increased salads, decreased carbs, my (small glass of ) green smoothie in the morning, and the bc pill working it's way out of my system. it's nice to feel as though I'm losing weight during the holiday season rather than putting it on!
So here we go...depending on how I feel this evening it will either be another run or some yoga to balance me out.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Ow! My abs!
Last night I went for a run...it was 30 degrees and a slight breeze...I missed that. I used to love running when it was slightly chilly out because it reminded me of being a kid and playing outside in the snow. When I was done with my 3 mile run, I got home and realized how cold my core was. Now after doing yoga on Monday and running in the cold on Tuesday, I didn't realize how sore my core could be.
After taking a hot shower and warming up...I turned into my nesting self and sat (well it was more stretched out than sitting) on the couch to knit. That was my mistake. When I went to get up, my entire core was sore and achy. I guess a tough Monday morning workout on my core, followed by a run (which does use the core a bit) in the cold = soreness.
This morning it's much better, and I'm thinking about going for another run after work tonight versus a DVD...but we'll see how the core feels.
After taking a hot shower and warming up...I turned into my nesting self and sat (well it was more stretched out than sitting) on the couch to knit. That was my mistake. When I went to get up, my entire core was sore and achy. I guess a tough Monday morning workout on my core, followed by a run (which does use the core a bit) in the cold = soreness.
This morning it's much better, and I'm thinking about going for another run after work tonight versus a DVD...but we'll see how the core feels.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Yoga IS a workout
Whoever says that yoga isn't a workout obviously has never gone to a vinyasa class. I am so sore today! I miss this sore feeling. I'm looking forward to going to class again on Friday and I even purchased a few classes yesterday to motivate me to go at least once a week for the next month or two. I am not a fan of going to classes in January (or to the gym in January) with all the "resolution" people...I tend to workout at home for the month.
The short of this is, I'm sore. My arms, my shoulder blades, my shoulders, my obliques...all sore. After work today I plan on going for a run so I'll add legs being sore tomorrow to my list.
In other news...BC side effect updates. I'm emotional. It's difficult to have mood swings in my career since I need to remain level and calm. I did the best I could last night. I find that I get irritable very easily and need to calm myself down. That's another reason I opted to go back to yoga in a studio instead of just at home. I need to remain centered. Physical side effects have not come back in terms of the pain I felt on Thursday...but I'm wondering how much of that was just over-indulgence that I assumed was related to coming off the pill. Regardless, it hasn't come back yet. My face however, that's an entire different story. I have the lovely under the skin bumps...so my face isn't red, it's just bumpy. I'm making sure that I clean it well and I think I'm going to be trying all sorts of new products to see what works...but yes...skin is not very happy at the moment.
Overall though, I'm really positive and happy...so long as I don't get irritated :)
The short of this is, I'm sore. My arms, my shoulder blades, my shoulders, my obliques...all sore. After work today I plan on going for a run so I'll add legs being sore tomorrow to my list.
In other news...BC side effect updates. I'm emotional. It's difficult to have mood swings in my career since I need to remain level and calm. I did the best I could last night. I find that I get irritable very easily and need to calm myself down. That's another reason I opted to go back to yoga in a studio instead of just at home. I need to remain centered. Physical side effects have not come back in terms of the pain I felt on Thursday...but I'm wondering how much of that was just over-indulgence that I assumed was related to coming off the pill. Regardless, it hasn't come back yet. My face however, that's an entire different story. I have the lovely under the skin bumps...so my face isn't red, it's just bumpy. I'm making sure that I clean it well and I think I'm going to be trying all sorts of new products to see what works...but yes...skin is not very happy at the moment.
Overall though, I'm really positive and happy...so long as I don't get irritated :)
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