Friday, May 20, 2011

Day 40 of 40

Wow...40 days already gone and I feel amazing.

I had no idea how strong I could become in 40 days. This morning I did part of my yoga practice (approximately 45 minutes...but didn't get to do lower back and abs, that will have to be after work). I felt incredible and so strong. Last night during my practice at the studio I kept pushing myself and felt great. I almost was able to do a headstand.

I had no idea what I was in for when I started this journey, and even if I did, I doubt it would have ended up however I expected it to. This journey is all about getting what you need, when you need it, how you need it. So many challenges popped up during this journey, and each one was gotten through. I learned so much about myself and finally honestly love myself...even with a bit of extra weight.

Some things that I have discovered along the way:

-It is hard to let go of things, but it is possible. When I let go of things I do feel that there is a hole left behind that must be filled...and I will be aware of this and attempt to fill it with positive things.
- Once you step out of the comfort zone, it can feel incredible.
- Coming apart is a part of any process...and sometimes it just feels good to cry and let it all out.
- The rocks are hard to remove, but once you see them and start the process, the heart, body, and soul feel so much lighter.
- It's difficult to be still, but it is necessary to be still.
- It's nice to let go and not plan everything super far in advance...this allows for change and flexibility.
- Finding my drishti is not just for my yoga practice, it is useful in life.
- Many of the teachings of yoga are good for life...and the philosophy of yoga is slowly being incorporated into my life, creating so much calm and peace...I dig it
- The key for survival is to find my breath
- I enjoy practicing on my deck by myself, but I like the energy of others practicing with me
- I can be way too hard on myself, especially when I listen within my meditation
- Life is pretty amazing

Namaste

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Sidetracked, but finding my way back - day 38 of 40

I was sidetracked earlier this week regarding my center and my breath, but I am finding my way back to me. It's amazing how when I am slightly off center/balance and do not have my guard up, how easily I stumble.

Over the weekend I had a lovely time, though a bit too much alcohol was consumed. This threw me off with my practice. I took Saturday off as a rest day and finished the previous week on Sunday. On Monday I went for a yearly check up and my doctor said things which I took as I am doing everything wrong. I have since recovered from this, however, it threw me for a loop. It has taken me 4 meditations (2 hours worth) to find my center and breath again since this discussion. I realize now that if I am off balance my guard must go up in order to protect myself.

I look back at earlier posts as well as the journal I am keeping for this journey, and only last week I was stating how centered I am and how happy I am with my body and spirit...on Monday it was though I had forgotten all of that and felt so small yet so large. Small in emotion and as a voice, large in terms of size. I realize again that I am me, I love myself, and I am worth more than I give myself credit for. Others love me, but I need to love myself and remember that I love myself.

This journey has had me open up to the fact that I am worth so much more than I thought. I do need to remind myself of the laws of transformation, especially to "relax with what is" and to "be true to yourself". When I do that, the light returns to my eyes, my heart, and I feel at peace and centered.

I have 3 more yoga practices to complete and 5 more meditations until this journey is complete...though I do hope and plan to continue on, as this journey was just the beginning.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Day 32 of 40 days to personal revolution + quinoa

Yesterday was a testing day for me. I had to wait, a lot yesterday. I felt off and not excited about the events...tired as well.

After work (which dragged on yesterday) I went to the chiropractor. I was early, but I needed to be out of there by a specific time. I waited a bit (due to my being early). I was "slow moving" according to the doctor, and the massage therapist noticed that my muscles were very tight, as though I were very stressed out (which I did not think that I was). I was then off to the hair salon. I did arrive 20 minutes early to my appointment, but my appointment started about 40 minutes late...thus I waited for an hour. I tried to be in the moment, I tried not to worry...but then the treatment to my hair ended up taking longer than expected so I did not leave until 3.5 hours after I arrived (2.5 hours worth of stuff done to my hair). I felt that between the chiro and hair, that I meditated enough for the day.

I was not upset, but I was getting irritated because I was hungry. I focused on that hunger and realized it was my own doing that I was hungry, but I was proud of myself for not giving in and getting sweets...I did give in and had cheese & crackers, jerky, and a grilled cheese for dinner at 9:30 last night...but it was that or nothing, and I knew I was going running this morning so I opted for that.

Once home, I relaxed...and I was happy that I had everything done yesterday...but being in the moment and not getting upset or frustrated was difficult...I was proud that I was only irritable towards the end of the appointment and I did not take it out on anyone...I let it go :)

This morning was a wonderful morning. I got out of bed at 5:45am and the puppy and I were out the door. A warm up walk followed by a run. It was 60+ degrees and very humid (so my hair has not stayed as lovely as it was last night, but that's ok). We ran about 2.5 miles with about 3 stops in there to walk because the puppy was trailing behind. Right after 2.5 miles, the puppy stopped and sat down in the middle of the sidewalk...refusing to move. I tried everything I could think of, and finally, I lifted up his bottom and he got up and walked 2 more blocks...and then sat down again. Now he had an audience, so he got up a bit quicker, and then started playing tug-of-war with his leash, and pulled me about a block...only 1 block left and he could have his breakfast...so that last block was just fine. It ended up being about 30 minutes of running and 30 minutes of walking overall, so a lovely morning.

Yoga will be this evening, 75 minutes of vinyasa at the studio. I'm looking forward to this class very much tonight. Tomorrow will be a solo practice at home followed by a lovely french cooking class...I'm looking forward to being in the moment at that :)

In terms of being grounded, I'm trying...I continue to focus on the present, and being here, and accepting things as they are...but man that's tough sometimes!

Finally, breakfast this morning...quinoa

I cooked up 1 cup of quinoa (1 cup quinoa, 2 cups water, bring to boil, simmer until water is gone)
I then took about 1/4 of what I made and had that for breakfast with 1/2 of a fresh mango and a tiny bit of agave nectar.

Holy yummy! I plan to have this again tomorrow and on Saturday with apples instead. I've read that this is a great breakfast, and I've seen others enjoying it, but now I have...and I share it with you.

Delicious :)

8 days remaining

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Day 31 of 40, counting down

I continue to reach new levels that I did not know existed within myself. This morning during my practice, I released further into half pidgin than I ever have before. I let go! That is so hard to do in half pidgin, and in life. It appears to be easier for me to release and let go of things, at least recently, I hope that the trend continues.

I went to TruHarmony for a 6:30am hot vinyasa class this morning...and my butt was kicked. I don't know what it was about class this morning, but man I was challenged. I kept reminding myself to step out of my comfort zone, but sometimes I had to just be still and not move forward with the flow...I listened to my body. I'm so happy that I went this morning, and over the summer I'll be working at 9 instead of 8 so I should be able to attend this class more frequently.

I did not have a successful meditation this morning though, mostly because I got up, walked the dog, went to yoga, and that took a bit more time than I had originally thought...so I would say 10-15 minutes of meditation at the studio this morning. Last night, however, I struggled with my 25 minutes. I am curious to see what happens this evening as I feel there is something that is about to be released within me, and this is why the meditation becomes a struggle after 15-20 minutes. I'm interested to open up and allow myself to release whatever I am holding onto.

The diet...fine still...not nearly as intense as the fruit fast. I've been eating more fish this week and tonight making a tofu stir fry so lots of yummy options. I am debating about treating myself with something from Starbucks afterwork...but that would seem not to be a positive thing to do to my body...no matter how yummy it might taste.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Day 30 of 40

I have recently had some interesting realizations during my reflections and meditations. The following two are ones that I want to highlight.

When you let go of something that you've been holding onto (typically negative) I feel that there is a whole left behind, a part of you becomes "missing". It can feel lonely, scarey, strange. I became quite emotional when I let go of parts of my negativity that I had been holding onto. I couldn't quite describe it or understand it, but it was almost painful, and I had some fear. Yesterday I realized that I had mostly let go, but needed to let go completely...and there was an empty space that needed to be filled...I chose to fill that with happy memories, love, energy, happy thoughts. I felt so full and happy and bright when I left my yoga practice yesterday. So when you let go of something, acknowledge the whole that it leaves behind, and fill it with positivity.

Planning...you cannot plan everything for if you do, you have no time left to live in the moment or for spontaneity. Life goes by so quickly that if you are always planning, you will miss something. Allow the self to experience the self. Enjoy each moment, be present, and be free.

There are going to be things you must plan in advance (concerts, plane tickets, big vacations, etc) but many things can just be as they are. I am working more and more towards being in the moment, experiencing everything as it comes, and not worrying about plans...for if they do not happen, or do not go as planned, I end up getting hurt or emotional...rather than enjoying what the moment brings.

My yoga practice is going well...I feel very strong and I look forward to the last 10 days of this experience. I plan to continue my practice, but potentially in a slightly different way.

Meditation this morning went much better than yesterday morning...though I do need to stay more present, it's something to work towards.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Day 29 of 40 where I'm at

Well, I've been an emotional journey and I still have 11 days to go. I've lost about 7 pounds, not to mention the inches of toning that have happened. So physically I'm pretty excited about how I'm looking. Emotionally I let go of a ton yesterday. We ended up building a fire in our outdoor fire pit, and I wrote down a number of things that had been stuck within me for years due to one individual. I then tore up those items and threw them, one by one, into the fire. After which the smoke washed over us which I felt refreshing. Later in the evening the pain came out of what I had done...a last attempt at the past taking over me...and I let it go.

Of course, letting go of trauma and difficult things can leave you with an emotional hangover the next time...which is where I am at right now. I want to be at home, allowing myself to mourn the part of myself that I let go...but that's the thing, what I let go of was a part of me that was holding me back, so why mourn it? Celebrate and move forward. I hope to do that later today...after work and after my yoga practice. I was supposed to go support a friend who is on her own emotional journey, but I let her know I was not in the right place mentally to be supportive this evening (there will be others there) but I offered to be supportive tomorrow and the rest of the week. I need to take care of myself...and I'm taking steps towards that.

In regards to my practice, I FINALLY really took yesterday as a rest day (physically) and enjoyed the sunshine. Yes, I went for walks with the puppy, but that was it for exercise. I laid out in the sun, crocheted a bit, spent time with my friend, enjoyed some wine, and just relaxed the majority of the day away (aside from the big emotionally letting go).

The diet...I do really well following it until Saturday night...and on Sunday it's a free for all. I did have some alcohol and coffee on Sunday which I'm guessing I should not have done that soon after the fast, but I did. This week the focus is still on whole foods, but incorporating minerals. I have tofu to make stir fry with, tonight will be fish and a salad...and just need to focus on good solid whole foods with lots of vitamins and minerals. Of course, on Friday evening I won't be following that rule 100% since we have an outing at Cook au Vin which has been in the works for months. More on that to come later in the week.

I have found that on warm days, my comfort food and drink are frozen yogurt and iced coffee. This is a big improvement from the past...and though I am going to focus on the reduction of coffee, I love coffee, and while it takes minerals away, I'm going to allow myself that indulgence.

I am a strong person and I am becoming more enlightened each day thanks to this journey.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Day 26 of 40

Today I am pretty much posting directly from my personal journal...removing a few names and lines here and there.

I answered the questions today (note that each week of the 40 days there are a number of questions to answer. This week the questions were about what do you need to let go of). I need to let go of my ex 3 ex's ago. He’s been on my mind a lot. With the ex so much was about manipulation and having me serve him.

Some side information. There was a lot of negativity that happened with this ex and I never really worked through it. I'm realizing now that I had hidden so many memories deep down, and I need to work through them and let them go. This was over 8 years ago, and I've become a completely different person now than who I was then...and I'm proud of myself for that. But I need to identify, heal, and move forward.

On a totally different side of the spectrum, I need to run more for fun like I did this morning with Charlie (my puppy). I felt great getting out there before 6. I knew I only had a certain amount of time to run, so we didn’t force a distance...ended up at about 2.7 but some of that was walking, so I ran 2.5. I loved it this morning and my energy today has been very high. I’m looking forward to riding my bike to yoga tonight to a restorative yoga class...and then tomorrow either bootcamp or practice at home and walk bark in the park. I love to exercise, and I sometimes need to remind myself of that. I feel so much better when I do, but I think I turn it into a job more than I should. It’s about having fun and doing something good for the body, mind and spirit. Just like going to Wanderlust (I got those tickets yesterday). My friend and I will spend some time on Long Island...and then we’ll drive to Vermont and see (and possibly stay with my bestie Carebear) then go to Stratton and experience an amazing thing...yoga, meditation, hiking, chanting, music, speakers...Wanderlust. My 40 day experience will be over by about 30 days by the time I go, but I hope to continue a daily yoga practice, or as close to daily as I can get.

I’m so enjoying this experience, and I’m so thankful for the insight I am getting. I also call myself out on things...like when I mutter under my breath in the car when someone does something stupid...I laugh and tell myself “what happened to being non-reactive” and then I laugh again. I am so much more aware and in tune with myself, it’s just a wonderful feeling. I hope to continue on this journey after the 40 days and find new areas to open up.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Feeling amazing on day 25!

Wow...just wow. A three day fruit fast really can knock you all over the place, but I feel incredible today. I lost 5 pounds over the three days which is mostly water I know...but it's a time of the month where I hold onto lots of water, so there might actually be more to come off. My skin looks amazing, I feel very clear headed, aware, strong, light, happy, carefree. I am a bit tired still, but I think tomorrow that tiredness will go away. It doesn't help that the puppy likes to wake me up at 3:30am this week.

I did "cheat" slightly last night. The tomato and eggplant dinner I made myself needed some spice. I added crushed red pepper, fresh basil, garlic, salt & pepper (not much salt). That was delicious. I'm excited to eat it tomorrow over some vegetable pasta..and maybe add more basil and a touch of mozzarella :) Who knows though, I might stay vegan for a bit longer. Today is an all vegan day to transition from only fruit to more foods. Of course I have a ton of food that I'm going to eat, or so it seems.

How did I transition this morning? A vega energy bar, chocolate flavor, that tasted delicious. I had another flavor during my vegan month that I did not like very much, but this chocolate one gets a win from me. I also had some vega whole food replacement shake (chocolate as well) this morning. The two together gave me 350 calories so a good breakfast and snack, though I had them a bit close to each other for breakfast and snack, but that's ok. Lunch will be roasted vegetables...I have been looking forward to these since Monday when I started (since I thought initially this was a fruit & vegetable fast, but no, just fruit). My roasted veggies: carrot, parsnips, brussel sprouts, broccoli, tomato, garlic...in a word, YUMMY! In honor of Cinco de Mayo, for dinner the bf is making taco rice, and I will be having rice n beans with red pepper and some roasted or sauteed kale on the side. So yes, vegan for today and maybe tomorrow, but we'll see.

I can't believe how great I feel though, it's really amazing. No bloating at all right now, skin is shining and just overall I feel light.

In my morning practice, I was concerned because my knee was bothering me on my walk with the pup...once I was on my mat I was fine and I paid close attention to my alignment. All of the sudden I realized how strong I was with my high to low plank, my side plank, and holding my positions. Holding low plank was really exciting since I felt as though I was in perfect alignment and holding it just fine. I've finally arrived to that level in my practice...whatever that level is.

My meditations are not going as well as everything else, but I am trying!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Day 24 of 40...and day 3 of 3 for the fruit fast

Whoa...a 3 day fruit fast and it's almost complete. Yesterday was tough but today seems to be going well. I have found a number of fruits that I thought were vegetables, so it made it eating fruits much easier this week.

Dates are the most filling fruit that I have eaten. I love dates, and I've been eating about 4 dates a day (the big medjool dates), maybe 6 dates. Oranges have been yummy, strawberries and grapes as well. My favorite find was my cucumber mango soup (chilled) though the tomato and chipotle soup was good as well, and tasted good hot.

As for my practice, I feel very strong with my yoga practice. I am wanting to go back to the studio more frequently but right now I'm going to try and go on Friday and Saturday since I overslept this morning but I managed to get my practice in at home...just not at the studio. I'm ok with that.

I really feel so much more relaxed and lighter. I'm not as reactive as I used to be. I'm much more go with the flow. I just feel happier over all...and less stressed. I love me...I really am beginning to love me. So much has left my chest and I just enjoy each moment so much more than I thought possible. I'm smiling as I write this and it's genuine.

Enough sappy stuff...Recipes? Of course.
Source:
http://community.yogajournal.com/_Triumph-for-40-Days-to-Personal-Revolution/blog/225545/25925.html

Chilled Mango and Cucumber Soup Gourmet | August 2002

2 mangoes, peeled and pitted (2 pounds total)
2 seedless cucumbers (usually plastic-wrapped; 1 1/2 pounds total)
3 tablespoons finely chopped red onion - I did not use
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice, or to taste
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro - I did not use

Finely chop 1 mango and 1 cucumber and set aside. Coarsely chop remaining mango and cucumber and purée with 1/4 cup water in a blender until almost smooth. Transfer to a bowl and stir in finely chopped mango and cucumber, onion, lime juice, and 2 cups cold water. Place bowl in a larger bowl of ice and cold water and stir until cool.

Cooks' note:
·Soup can also be chilled in the refrigerator until cold, but it will take about 2 hours


Tomato-Chipotle Soup with Fresh Peach Salsa Bon Appétit | August 2000
(Note, I did not make the peach salsa since I could not find any peaches)

Yield: Makes 4 servings
ingredients
2 1/2 pounds plum tomatoes, seeded, chopped (about 6 cups)
1 cup (about) tomato juice
4 tablespoons chopped onion - did not use
3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro - did not use
2 teaspoons (or more) chopped canned chipotle chilies* - I used 2 hole chilies
1 garlic clove, minced

1 ripe peach, peeled, pitted, diced (did not make)
1 teaspoon minced jalapeño chili (did not make)

Reserve 1 cup chopped tomatoes for peach salsa. Place remaining tomatoes in processor and puree until smooth. Transfer to 2-quart glass measuring cup. Add enough tomato juice to puree to equal 5 cups tomato mixture. Place 2 cups tomato mixture in blender. Add 2 tablespoons onion, 2 tablespoons cilantro, 2 teaspoons chipotle chilies and garlic to blender. Puree until very smooth. Stir puree back into tomato mixture in measuring cup. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Add more chopped chipotles, if desired. Cover; refrigerate until well chilled, about 1 hour. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Keep soup chilled. Cover reserved chopped tomatoes and chill.)

Mix reserved chopped tomatoes, remaining 2 tablespoons onion and 1 tablespoon cilantro, peach and jalapeño in small bowl. Ladle tomato soup into bowls. Sprinkle with peach salsa; serve.

*Chipotle chilies canned in a spicy tomato sauce, sometimes called adobo, are available at Latin American markets, specialty foods stores and some supermarkets.

nutritional information
Per serving: calories, 43; total fat, 0; saturated fat, 0; cholesterol, 0
Nutritional analysis provided by Bon Appétit

Monday, May 2, 2011

Week 4 - including the fruit fast!

What an incredible journey this experience has been so far. On Friday I had an emotional break through, though it was assisted by some wine. I was finally able to let go, step out of my comfort zone, and remove the rocks. I talked about a topic with my boyfriend that I have been trying to for months and just could not...finances. That to me is the hardest discussion, so tough that I had a panic attack prior to talking about it. Thankfully, I let go, and finally had the discussion, and now things are so much better. So much weight has been lifted.

I also was able to check in with my yoga mentor and discuss where I am at with this journey. I feel so much lighter than I was 22 days ago. Meditating is becoming something that I look forward to, that time for myself. This morning meditation was increased to 20 minutes and I ended up doing 25! It was not an issue at all and I enjoyed those 5 extra minutes. I will admit, it is difficult at 20 minutes to not switch into a dream state...staying present is so important, but a challenge.

The fruit cleanse is happening now. I have done fruit & veggie cleanses for 3 days in the past, and have the detox symptoms for sure. I guess because I have done fruit & veggie in the past, that is what I assumed this was. I was wrong. This is a fruit only cleanse. So what have I done today? Looked up what people mistake as vegetables and they are really fruit. This way, I can incorporate some of what I bought for the veggie part. I am also going to pick up a few other items that I did not think about. Eggplant, zucchini, more tomatoes...this does not have to be a raw fruit cleanse :) I also have looked up some new recipes and plan to make one cold soup, just not sure which one yet.

So for those of you who are thinking about this...here is a quick list of more savory fruits

Avocado
Cucumber
Eggplant
Green beans
Peas
Peppers
Pumpkin
Squash (including zucchini)
Tomatoes

What have I eaten so far/what is my plan to eat?
Breakfast - pineapple, strawberry, banana smoothie
Snacks & Lunch - grapes, clementines, orange
Dinner - avocado, tomato, cucumber salad

Tomorrow
Breakfast: Strawberries, melon
Snacks & Lunch - grapes, orange, clementines
Dinner - Cucumber Mango Soup OR Tomato-Chipotle Soup (with fresh peach salsa)

Wednesday:
Breakfast: Another smoothie
Snacks & Lunch: Left over soup, orange, grapes
Dinner - eggplant, zucchini, tomato cooked up

Coming off of the fast
Breakfast - green smoothie
Lunch - roasted veggies
Dinner - sauteed greens and quinoa pilaf

Of course, I'm coming off of the fast on Cinco De Mayo, so I may switch up the dinner slightly to include beans and guacamole :)

As for the practice itself...my yoga is so strong. I am connected with my breath, and I look forward to practicing each day. I ran a 5k yesterday and though it brought me joy, it was slightly different. Of course, I really do need to give myself that one full day of rest...this upcoming week for sure :)